t he . gl as s . b o y .

The glass boy is married.

2008-12-04T11:18:00.002+08:00

...and so it begins...

egads

2008-06-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

I got picked up on the street today...

by a lady...

who's filipino...

from a local talent agency...

whom I felt must have been exasperatingly trying to fill up her quota for the day and decided to picked up some hapless random target.

geez.

distributing excess baggage

2008-05-08T10:51:00.002+08:00

I finally got to clearing out the nit bits of skeletons in my closet.

With weariness and an impediment I probably won't be seeing them again.
(so much for the lack of euphemism.)

I, too, hope to see more light-hearted stuff discussed here. There has been a lack of happiness more than it has never been deemed necessary.

Maybe to start off - I've just gotten wind that I've passed a tough paper on Monday. But that's one more to clear and I won't know till tomorrow since the bloody uni website is down till then. So more jitters. (oops. happy thoughts happy thoughts...sheesh.)

Things have yet to sink in totally but till then, goodbye.

And, hello.

d o wn a win di ng r o a d

2008-02-21T16:48:00.002+08:00

I've always wished for a place where I can conveniently run to whenever I needed to let out.

I've always pictured this place to be a lush green dirt track.

I'm cruising along this long road in an off beat scooter.

The sky is vanilla pink.

There is a soft breeze willowing gently.

It's in the evening.

The sun is setting.

I've also imagined that there will be soft Wilco-ish or some random acoustic music playing in the background.

I'm alone and there is nothing but an endless distance ahead of me.

Bliss.

Ħ

2008-01-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

I wish there was a word to describe what I'm feeling now. But I'm just moping around at nothing.

a boy's wishlist

2007-10-04T11:39:00.000+08:00

Lenore PVC set

DGPH : Mole Ride - Munky King Bubble Mole 5" Vinyl

EVA-01 Metallic repaint finish 2001 version - Kaiyodo (Includes weapons and accessories)

Deluxe EVA Unit-04 Figure Silver Metallic Version (Includes weapons and accessories)

Monev the Gale : Trigun

Nicholas Wolfwood : Trigun

5" Smelly Tofu Vinyl by Devilrobots

5" Vinyl "Professor Whistlecraft’s Industrial Copper-plated Marvel" by Doktor A

Oh so lovely.

A Frozen Second

2007-08-31T21:25:00.000+08:00

What happens if you saw the wrong second of a two-second story?

Colourgenics

2007-08-31T17:43:00.000+08:00

Had a go at this and the result was a mix-bag of intepretations:

You appear to others around you as a person who is simply 'laid back'. From time to time you shelve your ambitions and forgo the desire for prestige and recognition and you are often considered as mentally lazy. You have the ability and you are the first to know this, but you prefer to take things easy and indulge your longing for comfort and security.

You 'need to be needed'. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted.

You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationalilty, since you realise that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be.

*****

Hmm..that last bit didn't come off too well... Knn.

Yoshoku Kitchen + Island Creamery = Bliss

2007-08-24T12:02:00.000+08:00

I think I shall try my hand at doing a no-brainer about the proverbial "what I did today" type of post.

The friends were up for celebrating MJ's birthday yesterday and were caught in a rack about where to eat initially, considering that post-dinner plans proved to be more promising (you'll find out why later). Hence, we decided to work around that initiative and ended up taking a shot at this place in the vicinity.

Fred waiting in anticipation

Here's our princessy (upon request) birthday girl

Green tea served ala cup and saucer

The wait wasn't very long and our spread arrived rather promptly:

A staple - Salmon Sashimi

Unamaki (I think) with salmon roe wrap and avacado

Garlic Yakiniku Beef with potato wedges as sides

Grilled Unagi (eel) sandwiched with Fried Tofu

Zaru Soba - another staple (note the tiny quail egg)

Here's a close up...

Here it is again - gone. Rather lame but we're a boring bunch.

Japanese Curry Rice

The food was rather satisfying given the promptness and freshness of the serving. The portions were rather moderate and we were quite pigged out after the second last dish (except for Fred for obvious reasons). The sashimi was very balanced in taste and freshness, surpassing several other ones I've tried. Noteable compliments would go to the garlic beef and the japanese curry rice which were thick with gravy and juicy in flavour. Prices were fair in the range of $15-20 on the mains, and $6-10 on the appetisers and sides. Restaurant ambience was dainty and mellow, leaning toward a more fusion theme, and perhaps due to the fact that it was a weekday and there wasn't really much of a crowd, although the flustered look of the waitresses tend to tell a contradictory story. Which was weird.

Fred feeling accomplished

Next - onward toward the highlight of the day! But before that...

...we say good bye to our lovely quail egg.

Here's the next stop in our itenerary for the evening :

Her highness is pleased with the choice of desserts - Nutella, Horlicks and Teh Tarik

Hmm. Maybe I was wrong. She prefers Fred's porky fingers.

Heavenly Mud Pie

Her Highness and her loyal servant

Her Highness and her royal jester

I am very pleased with my royal belly. Apparently, she is not. Right. No one in the right mind would be anyway.

"Hmmph. Why? Scared of me ah?"

Island Creamery is a a peaceful hideaway in a corner of Bukit Timah (Serene Centre) that's been packed with activity the two visits I've had here. Seats are a rarity and we had to be quick to chope one. The crowd is a mix of family, working execs and a majority of students and teens. Their selection of cool confectionery is a must try for any ice-cream lover, boasting many local favourites such as Pulut Hitam, Chendol, Teh Tarik, Horlicks, Nutella, Tiger (Beer) Sorbet, and several more. The signature Mud Pie is heavenly coated with a layer of crushed cookies and piled thick with rich chocolate ice-cream and dunno what two other flavours. Aiyah its damn nice la go try la! Sure won't regret! We even ended up buying a few tubs back home for the family's indulgence. (But had to cut out our other plans as a result cos the cafe closes at 10pm daily and no, Island Creamery didn't pay me for this spam plug. Go google the address yourself.)

All in all it was a great night of indulgence and great company. Thanks to MJ for dinner. Let's do ice-cream again soon.

randomness [叁]

2007-08-23T12:21:00.000+08:00

I was scrolling through my IM list and had a random thought about all those people whom I hardly or never speak to. And I thought, what happens in between the gaps of absence of one another? How do you start something that was lost somewhere along the way?

Here's the cliche part when anyone of you start asking each other random wary questions, and getting random wary answers.

A case scenario :

Qns -

Guy : "Hey, how's life?" (Hey, I hope you're single and looking hot after all these years)

Reply-

Gal : "The same" (I'm fat, have extra cellulite under my armpits and have grown thunder thighs.)

or

Gal: "Why leh?" (I'm fat, have extra cellulite under my armpits and have grown thunder thighs but I'm trying to tell you that I'm hot.)

[It may or may not apply vice versa, but hey, how am I to know!? I'm a guy! Let me know if you gals have your own intepretations though]

*****

Aside from that, I had a sudden pang of helplessness over a certain degree of loss that...I didn't know how I can save the situation. There were some friends whom I missed, never got the courage or made the effort to catch up, maybe because of a loose sense of comfort that you've always believed some things are always there and some will need to be nurtured. All of a sudden, it hits you, and you start asking why has it come to be like this? I've always regretted for not having handled certain friendships better but at the end of the day, we are all guilty of it. The fear of loss is truly compelling.

*****

Suddenly I had a relishing thought of living out on my own, in perhaps a forelorn bid to be a better person.

*****

I need to cut my waist by 2 inches. I'm turning into a makeshift see-saw.

Bogged Down

2007-07-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

Been swamped lately with an obtrusive mix of work, studies and family issues.

Have hardly been able to pause and take a breath.

Exams looming this Saturday. Isn't exactly my idea of spending a perfect weekend. I've mostly slumped straight on bed once I've reached home from work every day. Credit to procrastination.

Things at home aren't particularly bright either. Matters have probably simmered to a stalemate. Please. Just gimme a break.

Of late I've realised a certain destructive pattern going around my every actions and every words. Like I've taken a quantum leap along the emotive quotient. The human heart is still very much a fragile territory.

*****

In other news, what the heck is nEbO?

A Freudian Analysis

2007-06-21T10:51:00.000+08:00

I was having a random morbid revelation last night -

What if I die tomorrow, what would happen?

Will the funeral be fucking expensive? Got tentage and serve curry chicken, peanuts and packet drinks? Or english pastry, sheperd's pie and vintage wine? What sort of coffin will I lay in? Will it have air-conditioning (considering I didn't have any when I was alive. Okay. Got one grievance then.), and crisp white inner cushioning?

When I die, who will come to my funeral?

Who will remember me?

Who will grieve for me?

Will I have made a difference in anyone's lives?

How much 'pek kim' will they give?

Did I still owe anyone money?

*****

Actually, I'd want people to be happy and make merry if they do turn up. Maybe that's how I want to be remembered. I would want to go to my grave without any grievances, and I'd want those people I care and know to bear none as well.

Hmm...I wonder if they have blogs in the afterlife...

Trackback

2007-06-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

I haven't really blogged much about my new job since I joined a month ago. I figured I might as well, I might want to re-look into this episode in my life sometime in the future.

I stepped into my office today at 9:10 am, punctuality has been increasingly harder to maintain as I reach a certain status quo with the train schedules. I'm in a mad routine of waking up and doing all the morning stuff in under 20 minutes everyday. Its a matter of timing actually - I miss this train, I'll be stranded for another 10 minutes for the next. Screw SMRT.

Colleagues have been swell, albeit the tumultuous generation gap I may have with some, or perhaps it's just a matter of frequency. I believe I'll be able to gel with everyone soon; I didn't really have much trouble in my previous jobs. A good friend told me it's only a matter of time before you find your footing.

The job itself is challenging, I'm doing things I've been looking forward to be doing since I took that leap of faith to step into this field a year ago, which I can't really say I've been shortchanged of in my previous appointment (of whence I've made some really memorable friendships and a few forgettable grievances), but I am glad I am here now. I'm picking things up bit by bit as I go along. That much I can tell myself. Assurance for now at least.

I've never really flown on a job before, and I'd dare say its rather exciting. I've been told I'm on a yearly schedule of at least 8 to 10 trips, which makes up about 10% of the scope, to countries that are emerging and robust, which I've been reassured would look good on my resume in future. I'm just gonna play my cards right for now though and I wouldn't want to spell the premise of being uprooted.

I really hope this would be somewhere I can finally lay my anchor at, having to hop around jobs doesn't really reflect well on my CV. Hopefully, this time round in the coming year, I'd be telling a different story to everyone.

Kana Sai

2007-06-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

Really. It really looks like shit. That just sums up my afternoon. 3 entries in a day. I am in not much of a working mood.

Plug from Gni - www.drawahouse.com

This is my house. I was asked to give it a name. I called it Awesome. So when I enter, I feel like I'm within the inner sanctum of awesomeness.

Which loosely translates to "shit". Considering the way it looks. And that wrangly thingy in the front would be me. I am still awesome though.

Anyhoo, here's the verdict :

"Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you.

Your life is always full of changes. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. son. (What the heow is "son"?!)

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. (I added quite a lot of flowers. Does that mean I'm like DESPERATE?!" Geez.) We also see that you are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You don't think much about yourself."

Suddenly, I really don't know myself. Hmm.

Ode to that "Duh" person

2007-06-06T15:59:00.000+08:00

You know who you are. Stop it. Don't abuse it. (And I want my card back hor.)

Meanwhile, Fred and I were having this conversation with regards to the above issue :

"Duh."

"Dun keep duh-ing me leh."

"The "duh" very irritating hor. Tell that to MJ."

"A bit. Knn I talk so much then you just "duh" one time I dunno what to say liao."

"I know. It's like a full stop."

"Ya and it's a full stop from the other party some more. Must tell MJ dun abuse "duh". It's beginning to turn into another “whatever”."

"Or “anything”."

"Irritating nouns."

"Hmmm….maybe we can create alcohol "DUH"

"You mean a drink called "Duh" but.... ALCOHOLIC? Idea.
go counter and just say "DUH!" then u get 1 can either is Tiger/Heineken/Corona then bonus is Hoegarden?"

"or Erdinger? idea hor..."

"Erdinger the can tall tall one like cannot leh.."

"Aiyah who cares can squeeze into 330ml can already mah"

"I can imagine it now ..."

Cashier : Hi can i help u?
Us : DUH!!!
Cashier : ????"
US: Aiyoh, "DUH" also dunno, aiyah, "WHATEVER" lar...
Cashier: ??????
US: wau piang, "Whatever" also dun hve ah, then "ANYTHING" lar "ANYTHING" lar..
Cashier: -_- '''

*****

I am slightly too free.

"Girly Man" by some random Indian vampire dude

2007-06-06T12:20:00.000+08:00

This is just pure hilarity. Kudos to the guy who came up with the subs.

courtesy plug from Adrian

Any Other Island But This One.

2007-06-05T15:44:00.000+08:00

I need help. I need to get out of this island. The travel-bug's biting again. (Which again reconstitutes the fact that I feel no sense of staying here in the long run.)

I'm considering a short escapade to any one of these locations but am in a rut to make my choice.

Pulau Tioman

"Tioman is the biggest and most impressive island at the east coast. There is a brisk jungle covers a ridge on the west section of the island, which ends at the idyllic location of a beautiful palm fringed beach. Tioman offers a wide range of activities for visitors: snorkeling in crystal clear water, discover the beautiful underwater world when you go diving, or just laze on the beach while you work on that tan. Also, there is a jungle on the island that is just begging to be explored. The dense forest is a habitat for many kinds of flora and fauna." source

Pulau Rawa

"Rawa Island is a beautiful spot and famed for its white coral sand, lazing palm trees, and offshort coral reefs. Its abundant marine life is another winning factor to its popularity. If you are looking for a 'kick-off-your-shoes, let-down-your-hair' atmosphere, Rawa Island is the place for you.

The eastern coastline of Rawa Island is mainly ragged and rocky hills that are most interesting as their shapes were sculpted by the forces of nature. In fact, Rawa Island has one of the awesome rock formations amongst the rest. Its crystal clear and cooling waters is a favorite haunt for visitors who gather there for specific activities such as scuba diving, spear fishing and lobster hunting.

Accommodation is quite likely the small wooden chalets that dot the place, tucked cosily amongst the palm trees and flowers. To fully energized yourself, Rawa Island is the place to be!" source

Phi Phi Island

"Phi Phi Island, located just 45 minutes by boat from Phuket, offers a great laid back tropical lifestyle. Soak up the sun, go beach hopping, or simply enjoy the great outdoors in some of the most beautiful scenery in Asia!

Picture postcard perfect, with classic white sandy beaches, surrounded by impressive limestone cliffs and sunlit crystal water, Phi Phi actually consists of two islands, Phi Phi Don and Phi Phi Ley, so gorgeous it was used as a location for the Hollywood film, The Beach." source

Krabi

"Classic beaches fringed with towering limestone formations, is an understatement to describe this stunningly beautiful area of Thailand. A coastline dotted with gorgeous tropical islands, palm fringed beaches and coral reefs. An interior with jungle, waterfalls, mysterious caves, hidden lagoons and strange rock formations, just 800 kilometres south of Bangkok." source

Koh Samui

"Koh Samui - "the island of the coconut tree" is Thailand's 3rd largest. A backpacker's secret for years, this sun lover's paradise, with its coconut plantations, rolling hills, curved sandy beaches and offshore islands, has gradually developed into a holiday destination with a distinctly local island flavour.
Samui is a place to relax, meet people, sunbathe and party. Nightlife is good with open-air discos, music bars and good restaurants. The island retains its laid back feel, with friendly and welcoming locals, good food and offbeat local attractions which haven't become over commercialised." source

I'm more or less gonna go with Phi Phi or Krabi, although Koh Samui does have its charm on me. I'm open to more ideas, anyone?

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

2007-05-25T12:14:00.001+08:00

That's an Annie Lennox song also in case you were wondering. (Though originally by Procol Harum.)

And also the colour of my face yesterday morning when I flew to the toilet with my intestines in knots and an ass screaming with abandon - only to find out that its occupied.

But in closure, the encompassing sense of relief that I'm nearly where I want to be. I yearn to be inspired again. I'm only short of that inch.

An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. - "Valerie's letter" from V for Vendetta

Abysmal Monday Blues

2007-05-21T11:33:00.000+08:00

Nothing short of lack of sleep and a splitting headache to start the week with.

In renouncing my short attention span for today, something disturbing awoke me abruptly from my sub-conscious slumber.

[Potentially stomach-wrenching details ahead]

I felt this tiny lump in the back of my head and proceeded to extract the annoying alien object, only to discover it was a hair pore with 3 strands of grey hair stuck to it like joss sticks in an incense pot. Or to put it in a more morbid light, it felt like I was looking at a pair of siamese twins with an extra head. Perhaps this proves the urban legend that "you pluck one grey hair, three more will grow in its place" might ring true.

My head feels rather light now. That might have actually saved me some lunch money.

Awesomeness Epitomised

2007-05-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

In a bid to raise readership and to imbue a bit of vibrancy in this blog, I shall tell you why I am awesome. (That's also because I have nothing else better to write about.)

I am awesome because :

It is without a doubt the very truth in the first place
I have large nostrils
I can stick my thumb into it
I think I have a nice ass
I don't allow any thumbs to be stuck into it
I can twist my tongue (people who tie knots with cherry stems are not awesome comparatively because tongue twisters are cooler. In the literal and non-literal sense.)
I can twist my pinky toe over to my fourth toe and vice versa
my friends think I am easy and friendly and cannon fodder for insults
I let them think so because I don't want to hurt their feelings with my awesome rebuttals
I have ecxema and grey hair at the age of 27 (What. All awesome people have some form of disability. Look at the Fantastic Four!)
I have no money but people like to think that I do
I have no aircon and people hate it that I don't (previously establised)

If you have anymore ideas as to why I am so awesome do feel free to submit your entries. Hate mail is very welcomed. That would further reinstate why awesome people are so hated becaue the rest of the bloody population aren't.

In a nutshell, nobody likes awesome people. Hence I have no lunch kakis. Because I rock.

Okay. Back to work.

People Despise Me Because ...

2007-05-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

... I have no air-conditioning. Rather easy to spot my flat from afar - I'm the only one in my block without the air-con central unit.

My place is an extended sauna. People walk in ample and walk out with a cellulite shortfall. Gather your perm rollers and take a seat. My family drinks Milo and Horlicks at boiling point. Someone recently pointed out that I don't perspire anymore. I had friends over for a game of Risk and they went home with a drowsy spell and wet underwear. They couldn't complain though. I can always close the windows and cut the electricity.

I have no air-con. Therefore I am not worthy. Stay away.

Sorry. Random rant. I'm still awesome though.

Minutes to Midnight, Hours of Moaning.

2007-05-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

The new Linkin Park album sucks. I can't believe it. Everything I touch turns to crap.

Yes, Bring An Umbrella.

2007-05-09T16:23:00.000+08:00

Today's post is a little juvenile because I will be complaining. And it will be about myself.

I am an unprecedented, unproclaimed dilemma junkie. I have trouble making up my mind. Maybe because I have too many wants. And I ignore my needs. Maybe I should lower my wants and tend to my needs first. Maybe I should be more concise and more quick-thinking when it comes to easier choices. Maybe I should stop having all these maybe-s. Maybe I should probably just shut up.

I was thinking - there used to be this guy who used to be rather jovial and positive in the past. He would light up whenever there were new people around him, was spontaneous, quick-minded, witty and humorous. Today, he is but a shadow of his former self. And he's not even balding yet. He doesn't know what happened along the way, nor does he know how to trace his footsteps to where he last saw him.

It would be nice to see him again. Perhaps.

I have a very depressing blog.

randomness [贰]

2007-04-27T10:42:00.000+08:00

I'm curious actually - what do people usually do on their last day of work? Take photos? Shake hands? PR? Hug and weep?

Gee. I just don't even want to turn up. Ha.

On that note, my mum has specifically reminded me for the nth number of time to bring back home the mug cover I used for my mug, amongst other less important items like speakers, adaptors and the mug itself which could even probably buy a couple more mug covers.

*****

"我怕你看到我的时候，会动了凡心..."

"Huh? Why?"

"因为你是仙女."

"....."

*****

I think I need a tan. And a good workout. Time to get some new shoes.

是错也再不分

2007-04-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

天空中阔步共行
抛开恩怨与斗争
浪漫的感觉
祢满我心间

在笑意里之间
是最痛快一刻
莫要去理它真与假

是错也再不分
任意去再天真
愿永远也一起靠紧
不改变

终于今天可跟你
北风中远望四周
平凡的一切
原是那么好

I wish for the day that you and I will be taking the same route back home.

randomness [壹]

2007-04-22T14:01:00.000+08:00

Studying sucks. Attention span and confidence dwindling by the minute. The word going around is our necks are already halfway at the guillotine board. God bless us all.

Weather sucks. I'm sweating through my boxers. I'd kill for air-conditioning.

Werner's Oven was good. I missed the pork knuckles. Still a very good reason to travel all the way there for some crisp pink meat.

Phantom of The Opera was relatively overrated in my opinion. The miniscule standing ovation wasn't much less of a consolation. All I had were sore hands.

On that note, the event went quite smoothly, albeit I got an earful from turning up late from a misbegotten dinner break. But, I was glad I gave the occassion a highlight, although at the expense of my demise. Thanks very much, ladies.

I saw ET on TV today. And I thought of my late granny. (Not that the artificial midget resembled her, you idiot.) I used to remember going over to her 2nd storey shophouse flat at Joo Chiat to stay over during my primary school days for vacation. My mum would play that ET video (those VHS tape) for me and my brother, and that would just shut us up for 2 hours. I must have watched it more than ten times during my adolescent years. It's strange regardless of how nostalgic I felt when I saw it on TV just now, but I still couldn't really remember how the actual story went. It did struck a cord though when I heard that familiar phrase - "ET. Phone home."

I guess I just wanted to go home then. Ha.

The Hatch

2007-04-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

I've been holed up in my room for more than 36 hours. That's a record.

Except to pee and shower. Hmm. I hope there's no smell.

Sssh..Tap tap..Can you hear that echo in the hollow?

2007-04-13T16:31:00.000+08:00

A little voice in my head tells me that I haven't been very bright lately.

Fall Out Boy

2007-04-10T01:09:00.000+08:00

Ever since my adolescent years, I've hardly ever traverse frivolantly amongst social circles, nor made myself indispensable to any people. I just picked the lesser of the two evils.

I've never really made myself belong to any particular group. There are people out there whom have since made a sort of social pact that these are the people whom have gone through thick and thin with them, have known them inside out, known their inner most tragedies and episodes of forelorn love or hate - things we often take for granted time to time. I envy them.

I've since made my peace that I am not that important to anyone. Because people forget. And it's not even their fault. It's just human nature. It is a known fact.

As I transcend the different phases of life, I realise that the numbers just dwindle. And I can live with that. I am just glad that there are those whom are always there when you need them. Cliche it might sound but suffice to say, thankfully, that too, is also a fact of life.

Thanks guys, for being here. All the time. (Most of the time anyway.)

(I hope I'm not taking too much credit. Cos I'll kill myself if I did. But then, who cares?!)

Renaissance

2007-04-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

April 7th - A vestige of that promise.

The Last Song

2007-03-14T00:59:00.001+08:00

I used to be mesmerised by a song I used to play when I was a kid. I used to play it when ever I felt the need to be emo - breakups, bouts of semi-depression, insomnia, when Everton lost. To me, at least, it was the most inspiring, heartwrenching and grand piece of music I had ever laid my ears upon. It had been the longest time since I last heard it.

I felt a tinge of nostalgia coming on tonight, and with all that had been happening recently, I felt a need to channel all that emotion somewhere. I lit a cigarette, put on the track and sat on my carpet. I could feel the majestic piano score flood my senses once again. And I felt a flood of memories streaming back to my mind...

***

The Last Song - X Japan

Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the morning begins
I'll read last line

終わらない雨　抱きしめた　
夜が朝を向かえる心はまだ
濡れたまま

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle that never ends
When the rain stops,I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

傷つくだけ　傷ついて　
解ったはずの答えをどうしてまだ　
問いかけてる

Am I wrong to be hurt
Am I wrong to feel pain
Am I wrong to be in the rain
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
Am I wrong to cry

But I know,
It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades

気がつけば　又独り夜の空を　
見つめてる少しづつ消えて行く
Our Memories...

傷つくだけ　傷ついて　
解ったはずの答えをどうしてまだ　
問いかけてる

(I see red)
(I see blue)

(But the silverlining gradually takes over)
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter

終わらない雨　抱きしめた　
夜が朝を向かえる心はまだ
濡れたまま傷つくだけ　傷ついて　
解ったはずの答えをどうしてまだ　
問いかけてる

***

11 minutes of grandeur. I always felt that masterpieces were meant to last longer. I had always been amazed by how Hide played and Yoshiki wrote. How those lines were spoken with a rough sort of melancholy. With solemn sorrow. The title was apt. The last track of the last leg of an erratic era for the band. I practically grew up with this. I missed it.

Just then my eyes started to blur. And I started to breathe with a slight heave just as it softly drifted off the interlude...

And I played it again.

Coffee Shop Talk and Other Untied Loose Ends

2007-03-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

I should really be finishing my assignment. I'm basically wasting away. But here I am, erronously and futily, attempting to tickle your funny bone. Procrastinating is an overrated word. It's everywhere. Do a search. It's in almost every blog. So is "digress". Bite me. I don't care. Wait. That's also another overrated word. Fuck. Oops. There I go again.

Friday nights have relatively somewhat transformed into solemn affairs for us. No vim and vigour. No tacky verbal streams. There's hardly even any alcohol actually nowadays. I'm on a downward spiral towards an euthanasial holocaust. Can someone throw a branch at me and let me die?

The guys and I were hanging out at the Introbar over at the Stamford, and miled about our adolescent criminal records over exhorbitant designer teas (need. alcohol.), when F said the worst he'd ever did was pinch several "dividends" of $50 from his mum's wallet when she wasn't around so he could get the latest Transformer figurine. And of which he had to bury in the neighbourhood playground so as to avoid questions asked. How cool was that? The bugger was a natural. Though it didn't stay buried for long. Some sneaky kid got lucky. WT's modus operandi was more or less the same, and on top of not admitting to his acts of immorality, he didn't even shed a tear when his skin was being ripped apart by a tree branch his dad plucked from their backyard. C scrimped several 20 cent coins from her neighbour's piggy bank to fill up her own each time she went over for play sessions. Weak attempt comparitively but then they were only 5-7 years old then.

"Wah. Steady you all. But you can't possibly top mine - I didn't steal anything though when I was that young. I couldn't bring myself to do it lah. But I did pick up a wallet once when I was out playing around my block. When I peered in, I was so shocked I was shivering with excitement..."

It had $500 in it.

Imagine a 5 year old holding that much money in his hands for the first time, and all he could think was start to think what was he to with so much money.

"In the end, I took $100 and chucked the remainder. Guilty lah."

*Manical sarcastic vile laughter ensues*

Trust me, guys, I regret it to this day. If I could travel back in time, I'd tell my 5 year old self to return the wallet to the poor owner. Imagine losing $500 just like that and $500 wasn't a small amount back then. It's painful just thinking about it.

You're right. Who am I kidding? I'd probably slap my 5 year old self, stuff the money into his pocket, get the latest Transformers figurine, dump the wallet into the rubbish chute and fatten up my juvenile ego.

After wiping their tears, C whined by plastering her face with "I've-got-a-fucking-headache-and-I-want-to-go-home-else-I'll-start-eating-the-upholstery". So off we went. Ended up with a taxi drought. I'd want to discuss that but then that'll have to wait. We managed to flag down one but not before the cabbie went by each person on the sidewalk, mumbling some estate's name which he'd apparently hoped would be so absurdly distant that no one would be sane enough to be staying at. Eventually, he came to us -

Cabbie : Hello, Jurong? Jurong?? (slowly starts driving off. Obviously thinking no one will be going there)

Me : (points to C) Neh neh! Boon Lay! Jurong mah!

Cabbie : (as C enters cab) !#$%&*nabei$#/**%knn...

We are awesome.

To add insult to injury for my night of perfect nonsensical jargon, the rest of us ended up at a coffee shop somewhere at Boat Quay for a breather. I was ordering drinks for the guys and made a tiny enquiry if they were still serving hot drinks -

Me : Hello Uncle ah? Still got sell hot drinks anot?

Uncle : Got ah. What you want?

Me : 2 Teh Peng (ice tea) and 1 can Chrysanthemum tea.

Uncle : !!#$%^&amp;&*^&^$##!!!! Then ask hot drink for wat?! (He didn't say anything actually but he probably thought it)

Okay. That felt kinda stupid. Later on this french chick came along from a table across and asked for a cigarette, which I reluctantly gave. Shortly, she came back again for a light, although this time to subsequently start a conversation obviously to ease her guilt for not being able to afford one fucking cigarette and a lighter :

French chick : Hi, I'm Flo. You know, like river flow? Hur hur hur.

Me : Hi, my name's K. (the guys introductions followed)

FC : (puzzled look) Oh? What strange names! I thinking you guys Chinese but how come you all called this way? I now stay in Singapore 2 months and I meet a lot of people! Very nice very lovely but all have Chinese names! This is very strange! (pardon her French)

Me : Right! You stayed here for that long and it took you till today to realise that we can have English names! Cool! Welcome to Singapore.

FC : Oh thank you.... Hur hur hur.

Hmm. Right. That was stupid too. Now, back to work.

2007-02-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

Shit. I can't breathe.

With regards to the previous post...

2007-01-30T10:25:00.000+08:00

...It sucked.

Not because the joint was screwed. We just couldn't get any seats. And because I have a zit in my ear, makes me relatively impatient and a highly irritable. We weren't about to just stand around getting our feets soiled with imported sand. The eye candy did make for a less hasty exit though.

The joint was all good actually - a central dias which works out as a lounge area and probably a makeshift dance floor, overlooking (for god's sake) a freaking pool. Cushy chic deck beds were laid out on the beach coupled with brollies and vanilla coffee tables, beer tents, bikini babes, washboard abs hunks and the soft lush of the evening waves. It was all good. But not that enticing to make us stand and bore a hole in the unsuspecting tacky female with less than a cleavage as you stare at her whilst she slowly sips her sinewy alcoholic concoction.

As we were contemplating on a less subtle alternative, I realised that the years have really caught up on us. Even as we are heading towards a metrosexual age, where the clubs are popping out like zits, and wine and dine is the new poison, with folks heading out to get wasted and a broken hip. Nights like these, however, have left us hanging dry and the least to even consider an upbeat encore of our yesteryears where we'd head to every succulent joint that beckoned.

It sucks to be old and boring. And yeah, the zit in the ear sucks too.

JazzaNova @ Cafe Del Mar

2007-01-25T18:15:00.000+08:00

All up for it with the guys this weekend. Delectable.

Out.

2007-01-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

I thought the weather was rather drapery of late. And it did little to perk my mood.

Apart from the heavy downpour tributarating murky pools I'd have to muster in the morning, my thoughts never really drifted far from being less of a dishevelled fool.

It's been almost 2 weeks since. I recall the day when I first laid my eyes on what those words meant. A part of me struggled momentarily to comprehend what I had read. After a pause, I realised I had already begun to pick up the pieces.

Granted, I was making little progress in this facade I had come to call a "means to an end". Tying up loose bits. I avoided their cold stares. Their wrought questions. Of which the answers I'd reply would only equate to certainty. I ran the length of the moment, to the ends of my desperation, and realised it had started frayed since the beginning.

Did we fall short of something truly precious and unique? Why do I feel so prematurely misplaced? Misunderstood? Why have we shunned ourselves to this harsh extent?

When did we turn to such bitterness?

2006-12-22T12:12:00.000+08:00

It's rather amazing how people perceive you in a modest sense but somehow...you can't relate that much to their perception.

It's also rather amazing how the people closest to you see you in your most dimmest, altrusive, "unabridged" form but somehow...you can't relate much to their perception.

I can accept that I'm not perfect. That I falter and make mistakes.

But neither am I all that bad. I'm appalled to think that I am. That this is how I function. I get the usual flak now and then some. But not all the time.

I'd appreciate it if you can see that. A little encouragement might work. I believe I deserve as much.

Flawed

2006-11-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

Absurd as it may seem, or rather unknowingly, I'm badly out of shape.

I'd rather not carry on with this. With what I'm about to write. Times like these I feel an upsurge of uncertainties and recalcitrant misgivings. You can smell the shit as it hits the fan. (I literally get a free whiff everyday when I walk past that caveat beside my office.)

I'm a mess. I get the sinking thought that everything has fallen out of place. Or rather, never really did in the first place.

In the end, everything proves nothing. People start to talk in riddles. You feel like you're at the end of every rotten stick.

What is this? What the hell am I doing?

The truth is, I've got blood on my hands. You realised you need a clean slate. It gets increasingly difficult to maintain that balance. I thought about getting to that "some point" where you get to start from scratch. But then it gets all too familiar. Vicious cycles. I can't seem to make the right decisions anymore. Every day becomes a brand new mistake, weaving its way into an uncoveted routine.

I am spent. I wished it had not gotten to this point so quickly. I could only take heed that I can procreate a space to instill numbness.

(I also realised I used a lot of first person contexts. Bear with me.)

I really have to stop running.

Detriment

2006-09-22T16:26:00.000+08:00

The glass boy is now defunct. Thanks for the times, guys. *bows*

纸包鸡包鸡包纸包包鸡纸。。。

2006-08-18T10:11:00.000+08:00

Funniest shit ever. I just cried and wet myself.

B for Bad-Ad-Lah

2006-07-18T12:50:00.000+08:00

So to speak.

I've been contemplating posting this for a long time, but given that it might possibly serve as a brief milestone in my life. Just for the record. I'd look back at this someday and get a kick out of it.

A month ago, I was rallied by my employers for an ad shoot for the launch of one of our major tenders for an online portal catered for our civil servants and the like. Generally male oriented. It's suppose to look domestic and vibrant and young and attractive and cool. None of which I qualify for. Theoratically speaking. And no, its not gay.

But yeah, you heard it right the first time, I was rallied for an ad shoot.

Mm hmm. You can stop laughing now.

Incidentally, I never auditioned for it. Honest.

Picture this - You're having lunch with your colleagues, guffawing at the latest gossip, mildly intent on noticing the spew of profanities thrown at your superiors to even bother about the excerpts of your conversation on the lunch table, which happened to have included the remnants of your nasi bryani, when the next moment you realised that you've just had a couple of talent hounds frivoulously snapping away at your grotesque, candid self to have it submitted for consideration for an ad to be circulated islandwide on butts of public buses and bus-stops.

Oh dear God. What the heck were these people thinking.

Anyhoo, on the premise that I was to receive a mystery gift for being chosen (cruise tickets maybe?), I turned up at the studio on a Thursday morning with 2 sets of business-wear, an empty stomach, sweaty palms and a very sian face.

* At first, I thought I was lost cos the studio's doorway looked rundown and reeked of indian oil. I reckoned I didn't sign up to be a sacrifical token to Khali and so I skeltered down the steps only to find my agent, who was fashionably late, at the doorway. *

I'll admit, it was a first for me to be at a photo studio and I must say I was duly impressed at the setup. The layout of the place struck a chord of innuendo and nostalgic comfort. They even had 2 cats and a bull-terrier, who promptly slapped his tongue all over my feet.

I sat chatting with my agent whilst waiting for the makeup artist to arrive. I must say no matter any amount of resolute could possibly have prepared me for what I was about to expect.

Shortly after having my makeup done, which I can honestly say was a daunting affair both physically and mentally (I concedingly salute all the showbiz folks and the women of the world for having to go through that facial ordeal.), I was ushered to my props, which was an office desk and, well, an office chair.

"Ok, Kelvin, I want you to relax and smile. Imagine your girlfriend now giving you massage and you are enjoying it."

Ok.

Snap snap.

"That was...er..not bad. But no need so..er...kua zhang. Not like she giving you a blow job hor. We want portray wholesome image."

Errr...ohhh kaaay.

Before we go on, might I include the fact that I had to lean backwards on a chair jammed up my spine and my arms flapped out folded behind my head. Underneath the office desk in front of me was the photographer's assistant who had to meander his bulk to keep out of view whilst positioning himself so he can help adjust my shirt if it got too wrinkled. Imagine having your back literally breaking into two, a guy squatting next to your crotch and yourself looking like an idiot airing his armpits, you still had to smile like you're wasted.

"Ok, you have to relak more, Kelvin. Right now you smile like you look very tensed up. Don't force your smile. Relax your facial muscles. Close your eyes first. Ah ah, like that can, can. Then try to imagine you are relaxing after a hard day's work and then you slowly open your eyes and smile."

** There I was thinking, bloody hell, I AM relaxed already. And now they are barking out all these instructions and basically asking me to force myself to be relaxed. Under all this pressure, HOW TO RELAX you tell me?! **

We managed to finish the entire shoot in roughly 4 hours. They had another guy come in whom I presumed was a genuine model because, heck, he was good-looking and relaxing brazen and cool about the shoot, despite his age.

Something tells me I am definitely not cut out for this kinda shit. And I still am waiting for my supposed payment.

Edit : Mystery gift is not going to be cruise tickets.

*****

Shiiiiieeeet. My other manager just recommended me for a Singtel ad. She says I might make it like Rui-en.

Damnit, I'm asking for cruise tickets this time.

I Am Singaporean

2006-07-05T10:11:00.000+08:00

I have never done memes in my life, but I figured I might as well make my first a patriotic one.

I am not mrbrown, Mr Miyagi, Xia Xue or blinkymummy. I am a common man. With common ideals. A very common name. Very common looks. And hopefully, enough common sense.

I hatched my nickname after the Dutch acronym, and later cursed it when they got kicked out of the World Cup.

I am a victim of the education system, of our social infrastructure, of National Service (nabei just got upgraded to Pes B again, c**e b*e!), but then again, so is everybody else.

I am not a thespian, nor metrosexually-inclined, neither a elitist, socialist, leftist, racist or a sexist. I am, however, shamelessly full of shit.

I drive my dad's and my girlfriend's car. I have bumped my dad's car once and went home with the foglight and my soul scraping the PIE.

I stand behind the yellow line at the MRT stations, stand inside the yellow box when I smoke and I smile at the stranger who holds the elevator door open.

I am of Teochew descent, but I swear better in Hokkien and Cantonese.

I love my country, my friends and my family. My roots and my history is here. And hopefully, so is my future.

My name is Kelvin Seah, I am a Singaporean.

So say we all. So say we all.

*****

Tags : iamsingaporean, Singapore, NDP06,

Tagged from : the mrbrown show 5 July 2006: I am Singaporean by Mr Miyagi

2006-06-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 72%
Lifer: 36%
Mandarin: 33%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

2006-06-23T19:16:00.000+08:00

I really do miss waking up beside you.

2006-06-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

Some time back on 某某 day after purchasing some nail polish from 某某 Face Shop some where...(actually was at PS lah.)

The Manicured T-Rex : 快点，I help you to 察 one color. Ok we do the crystal one.

Me : Har?! Don't want la! My nails already got natural manicure already still want to 察 for what?? What will the world think?! I how to 见人?! Some more here got so many people wait they stare how?! Wait they think I got sick fetish ah!

The Manicured T-Rex : (folds arms) I am very angry.

Me : (places palm on table)

The Manicured T-Rex : Mm. Hold still.

Me :

15 minutes later

The Manicured T-Rex : Nah. Finished.

Me :

The Manicured T-Rex : Okay come we try the black one.

Me :

*****

2006-06-13T00:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I just scour my surroundings to look for the inspiration to write. I tried to recall what went on during the day and I made a brief attempt trying to seek clarity amongst confusion. That immense tinge of a writer's block through which no amount of whoring can actually ever gather any jism. Since all I can ever scour out of my surroundings is just...nothing. Bare. Empty. Piles and heaps of non-organic rubble.

*****

I drove by last night at your place. I waved to the security guard nonchalantly. A moment's hesitatation later, he raised the gate. Not before I caught him mumbling under his breath a faint, explicit sense of doubt, though considering that wasn't our first encounter. A stroke of luck found me a parking lot near the lobby entrance on the 2nd floor. I trembled slightly as I typed the sms to announce my presence, trying hard not to give the game away. I alighted, peered around for familiar signs of life before I lit my cigarette. I clutched tightly at the package, briefly reminding myself that I missed giving you these surprises. I snubbed the cigarette on the ground. I checked my watch. 11:21pm.

10 minutes passed.

I made several attempts for a quick sneak at your window. Darkness.

20 minutes.

I got into the car. Placed my hand gently on the package again as I tried to imbue a sense of adamancy before turning into poignancy. I reminded myself you were under a sickly spell and you might have retired for the night. I struggled to stopped my conscience before I start asking myself another question.

12 midnight.

I rolled down the windows. Time crept at the oscillation of a sand grain. I stared at the package again. And towards the emptiness out in the barren night sky. The cold was starting to prick my skin. I lit another cigarette.

15 minutes pass midnight.

I was beginning to get dreary and listless. I clutched the package again and looked towards the lobby entrance for the upteenth time. The foreboding sense of anticipation was about to implode within my head. It started to actually hurt. I had to reassure myself. I had so much to tell you.

30 minutes pass midnight and 4 cigarettes later.

Your curtains grey tinge remained pale under the night. I know its impossible to wake you once you've succumbed to slumber. After that thought raced across my mind, I imagined myself beside you. Clutched in your bosom as we slept. I missed having your skin on mine.

I started the engine and rambled slowly out of the gate. I maintained my speedo under 60, and kept off the expressways. Just so if, by any chance, you might wake and call me. I stopped briefly at the petrol kiosk to grab batteries for my dad. Again, deliberately for the delay.

I reached home 40 minutes later - twice the time it usually took me. I took a last glance at my mobile before I held the package under my arm and walked that mile long corridor towards my lobby.

*****

Post-script : Holland needs to put in more work on its TEAM strategies. The keyword is TEAM. Seriously.

2006-06-01T14:30:00.000+08:00

Behold my latest creations :

Tor Dao has a name like a favourite snack of yours and why?
Simply because he looks like one! And he has wings to go along cos he has to keep up with his girlfriend Wormy, who usually moves around in the 5th gear just so she can stay as far away from Tor Dao as possible.(Moreover his feet hardly can move him any faster than his own belly can take him.) Can anyone love him?
He needs to remove the bad image Wormy has of him so he wears a fake halo on top of his head to complete the angel image, although Wormy knows better. Carry Tor Dao along when you are just walking around having your favorite snack. He needs all the help he can get.

Don’t make Wormy angry! She has a feisty temper and is equipped with the latest in fashion poison black nail polish and in fashion funky antenna hairstyle. Once scratched by her T-rex fingers, Wormy can turn you into an idiot with her nail polish poison!Wormy is also always hungry although her size tells otherwise. (Please note small belly) You must feed Wormy 5 times a day to keep her small belly in shape if not she will be angry because Wormy is always right!Put Wormy near a mirror because she loves to see if her small belly and funky hair is in shape (meaning very ugly). Or you may put her in the kitchen because besides the bathroom, that is also her favorite place! Wormy makes the perfect buddy beside you when you are having dinner or just getting ready to throw a tantrum.

I seriously need to get a life.

(Inspired by this.)

2006-05-03T13:46:00.000+08:00

Life's a drag.

I suppose with the recent spate of chirrups, it can't be any less fortunate to safely put my mind off for a while.

I just find things so tiresome. So rigid. Bland. And repetitive.

The thing is with people(= shit), they expect you to have a reaction to everything they say or do, to initiate with an appropriate response. Thing is, amidst a risk of spite, I just dish out the meekest of replies, regardless of the corniness/lack of substance/vile in the content.

Observe :

Colleague : Wah! Your chicken chop looks very big and tasty hor!
Me : (time freezes whilst I gather my options)

Hmmm...I think that's cause you have an inferiority complex when it comes to the real stuff. I see your wanton mee has another function besides filling up your tummy and your chattering gap, I'd probably string the noodles around your neck twice over before stuffing the ends with wantons into your nostrils. Enjoy.

Ya hor. Hur Hur Hur.

Obviously, my choice was rather imminent.

And even now, in this entry, I'd still have to think of an appropriate ending.

Heck. Scratch that.

2006-05-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

Alan Moore is my new god.

I can safely proclaim I cannot get enough of this guy.

A pity I didn't get to read his works whilst in my pubescent years. Anyways, better late than never ya?

If you've never read a graphic novel, start with the Watchmen

And this is one fine way to begin the 2nd half of this dismal year...

Who watches the Watchmen?

Don't you just dig those cool taglines?

2006-04-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning in total disarray. An all too familiar disorientation.

I shifted towards my alarm clock. I've set it 20 minutes faster. Ironically, the fact that I am aware of it, makes it a futile effort on my own part to measure up to that metaphoric displacement. I had woken up 10 minutes earlier.

Moments later, I set a foot off the threshold, and I hear the latch gently click shut.

~~~~

I remember her smile.

Her eyes that would flood her entire face with visual pyrotechnics that erupted whenever she laughed. And I would laugh with her. It is not unusual. I'd often found it amazing the way she exudes her elation and her medium of choice.

Incidentally, I would lose myself in all her mirth, and later find myself in her angst.

Perhaps, in a way, there was a reason why I could never have been able to shake the trolls in my head, why I constantly remind myself not to create mountains out of molehills, and why every single detail we subconsciously drew into the space between us seems to further distance ourselves from credibility. I tried to toy with words but they failed fall into place.

A visage invariably churned into a juxtaposition of nostalgia and alienation.

A faux pas of familiar strangers, minions of commodity.

I'd asked her for a minute, so she could create an eternity.

2006-04-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

So tell me, what was it like when you first met?

.
.
.

Like morning after rain.

The sunshine glistening off her skin.

She had that beaming smile and laugh that sort of lights up everything around you? The infectious sort that she effortlessly rips rampant in generous proportions.

Slowly the whole scene whites out, and behind her you could almost see a kaleidoscope of colours, twirling at that tiny skip she makes in her footsteps.

You slowly imagine yourself being mystifically absorbed in her presence.

And her smell. The smell of freshness. Of a new kind of somewhere.

Everywhere.

Just like morning after rain.

A fissure of euphoria in the white...

2006-04-23T13:33:00.000+08:00

For those who can't resist.

http://cm.k366.com
(In Mandarin)

2006-04-23T12:46:00.000+08:00

昨晚，我与一位老友叙旧，谈到了算命这回事。

在我们分析算命师为他打造的结果的途中，
我渐渐的发现，其实命与人无争的一个箭步，
就是在于它与人的构思，是勃勃生机的。

人，原来想要掌握的不只是生命的一切，
也在乎到是否能够随和地由我们自己去安排与改良。

莫些时候，命的基本意念，
就是能带给我们不少的惊喜，悲哀，与欢笑。
如果带走了这些，生命能带给我们的唯一的承诺，
就失去了它得意义。

相信不管算命师为你推断的一切，到头来，
这个漫长的路，都是由我们自己的喜怒哀乐，
悲欢离合，所打造出来。

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

The few uncertainties and insecurities we face each day, with which we all have inculcate from
the tributaries from a supposed multi-faceted organisational behaviour model, denotes a juxtaposition of the extremeties of bliss and woe, from which our own emotions and the perception of others' emotions have stemmed.

Perhaps it is because we are never satisfied. We seek to purposefully acknowledge the fact that the grass is always greener at some fuller pasture, that it exists somewhere and we are in a never-ending pursuit of the epitomised functionalities in life. That social promise that everyone of us can make it.

How accurate is that? Even if we can have our fortunes told, or our having lives presumptuosly paved, how much do we have that is within our own grasp and control?

At some point in time, something will probably trigger that spark in us all, and usually, effortlessly, it will fall into place.

Heck, maybe it already had, but we just never saw it.

2006-04-17T14:30:00.000+08:00

Today hor, after lunch hor, I go click my Inbox.

Then hor, I see-see my Follow-up. Theeeeeere. Will put green bracket one leh. Inside got number one.

Then I see hor, I realised, that I got 18 items for follow-up.

Some more hor, all due this week neh.

Now as I is typing this, I is lie flat on floor, rolling on my round round belly, leaving a trail of 18 pieces of shit.

(Can tell la hor, from my vocabulary now.)

2006-04-06T11:38:00.000+08:00

Chronological order of a day in shambles :

- Missed bus therefore missed train and am ultimately late without breakfast
- Discovered loss of ATM card (again)
- Discovered forgot to draw money yesterday and am therefore penniless
- New shoe making its mark on my feeble ankle
- Limping like a cripple to work
- Got splattered by unidentified viscuous liquids from surrounding foliage on way to office building (coincidentally I was the only one in that spot which meant no one else kena-ed and also because I was "crippled" I couldn't siam in time. TMD.)
- Made my way to bank to replace ATM card only to invariably suffer mild aural tension from random middle-aged female's incessant ramblings about the bank's waiting time
- Ended up having zero time left for lunch and therefore had to settle for Nissin Chu Qian Yi Ding's XO instant noodles and 3 pieces of Tim Tam
- Newly purchased bag's magnetic button clip cracking open before splitting the magnet into two (and I swear I wasn't even using any force)
- Got caught in the rain on the way home
- By now my head was cracking open and threatening to split into two and could find no relief
- Missed dinner due to the above
-Scratched the old man's car against a lamp post whilst parallel parking and had to do an immediate op (aka crude paint job and bloody hell when I saw the parking lot number "37" I was momentarily dumbfounded cos 7 and 3 were suppose to be my lucky numbers!)
- Left my book in the car upon reaching home

By then I was so flippant about bed I could think nothing more of what had transpired.

Whatever.

2006-03-21T01:26:00.000+08:00

"I don't know who you are. Please believe. There is no way I can convince you that this is not one of their tricks. But I don't care. I am me, and I don't know who you are, but I love you.

I have a pencil. A little one they did not find. I am a woman. I hid it inside me. Perhaps I won't be able to write again, so this is a long letter about my life. It is the only autobiography I have ever written and oh God I'm writing it on toilet paper.

I was born in Nottingham in 1957, and it rained a lot. I passed my eleven plus and went to girl's Grammar. I wanted to be an actress.

I met my first girlfriend at school. Her name was Sara. She was fourteen and I was fifteen but we were both in Miss. Watson's class. Her wrists. Her wrists were beautiful. I sat in biology class, staring at the picket rabbit foetus in its jar, listening while Mr. Hird said it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sara did. I didn't.

In 1976 I stopped pretending and took a girl called Christine home to meet my parents. A week later I enrolled at drama college. My mother said I broke her heart.

But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.

London. I was happy in London. In 1981 I played Dandini in Cinderella. My first rep work. The world was strange and rustling and busy, with invisible crowds behind the hot lights and all that breathless glamour. It was exciting and it was lonely. At nights I'd go to the Crew-Ins or one of the other clubs. But I was stand-offish and didn't mix easily. I saw a lot of the scene, but I never felt comfortable there. So many of them just wanted to be gay. It was their life, their ambition.

And I wanted more than that.

Work improved. I got small film roles, then bigger ones. In 1986 I starred in "The Salt Flats." It pulled in the awards but not the crowds. I met Ruth while working on that. We loved each other. We lived together and on Valentine's Day she sent me roses and oh God, we had so much. Those were the best three years of my life.

In 1988 there was the war, and after that there were no more roses. Not for anybody.
In 1992 they started rounding up the gays. They took Ruth while she was out looking for food. Why are they so frightened of us? They burned her with cigarette ends and made her give them my name. She signed a statement saying I'd seduced her. I didn't blame her. God, I loved her. I didn't blame her.

But she did. She killed herself in her cell. She couldn't live with betraying me, with giving up that last inch. Oh Ruth. . . .

They came for me. They told me that all of my films would be burned. They shaved off my hair and held my head down a toilet bowl and told jokes about lesbians. They brought me here and gave me drugs. I can't feel my tongue anymore. I can't speak.

The other gay women here, Rita, died two weeks ago. I imagine I'll die quite soon. It's strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and I apologized to nobody.

I shall die here. Every last inch of me shall perish. Except one.
An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.

I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again. I wish I could kiss you.

Valerie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"

- from V for Vendetta
Written by Alan Moore.
Art by David Lloyd.

courtesy Shadowgalaxy.net

2006-03-19T04:37:00.000+08:00

4.35 am. I am sleepless. I question myself. Surely, given the fact that willpower alone being a substantial amount of effort to be put into play by will alone, failed to hide the intensity of what I have beget myself...ourselves to put words into play once again.

I cannot fathom the reality of what has transpired.

The surreal imagery of the past few days, those chain of events, almost instantaneous, but had all along threatened to erupt, even before the first day we took that first step towards what I had believed to be our last.

Perhaps, you'd been right, I truly had no solution to what you had hoped we could marginally have become. Perhaps, I possesed no sound mind to even answer my own crediblity. Perhaps, we had been moving along different episodes in our respective lives. But, was it a moment of weakness we felt that instant? Or was it self-denial in the long run? I myself gather no moss, as I try to make sense of the whole debacle.

I miss you already.

It is not enough. How can that possibly suffice? Subconsciously, I have been struggling to come to terms with the fact that all along, I had failed to provide you with the essence of which 2 individuals shared. How can I possibly face you?

But again, haven't we all heard that before.

Sometimes, things turned out they way they do for a reason. Its compelling enough to say that we could have been this and that, but maybe we just didn't know how to carry it out. I know you are tired of hearing it again and again, and you imagine yourself, if you are to hear all this for the rest of your life. I am tired of saying it again and again. Because I know, it piles on top of misery.

I tried running away. And at those points, all I knew was to run. But I stopped in my tracks when I know I risked losing you. I suppose I had already gone that distance when I can no longer turn heels and retrace my steps where I had faltered. But as far as we are both concerned, the damage was already done.

I hate myself. I hate myself for not being that one who could cushion your falls, the hand that can pick you up thereafter, and ultimately for not being able to tell you that I am more than who you could have ever begun to percieve me for.

But where's the point in that when all you could see in me is distraught and emptiness? We have both been blinded and plagued by our own demons, our own conceit, and our disappointments. I had believed I had done what I could, and I had believed I did what was deemed the right things to do.

I couldn't enirely agree with what you portrayed me as. It would have seem, as if, I had lived my entire life that way all along. Was that really me? Am I like truly that? Why is it always me? How could I convince you otherwise? I needed to withold my own worth. And eventually, slowly and painfully, I had begun to lose faith as well. How strong could I have been? I am only human.

I ask myself, was it because we are who we are that had lead us to where we are today? I didn't want to lose you, but, I can't afford to lose myself either. I had wanted to hear from you that we had something else to believe in, that you could have believed in me more. I didn't want to sound too abstract, but I suppose I could never have brought my traits across, being the person that I am. I had no sense as to how to bring my answers across to you.

I love you. And still do. You have brought upon me the longest train of emotions I had ever experienced in my life. You changed my life. The very course of it. And for that, in return, I had wanted only the best for you. And still do. You deserved no less. Not all this. And never should have been to begin with. We are no saints. I still firmly believe no 2 persons are never able to come to a compromise other than acceptance and betrayal. I believe in fate. I believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel at the end of the day. I believe although we can't predict the future, one can still shape how he wants his future to be like. I believe in that you can love some one so much as if she was the only reason that keeps you alive.

But one can only believe so much, when he is alone in believing.

You didn't lose me. I just failed to find you.

2006-03-18T17:50:00.000+08:00

"Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot
I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot" - Guy Fawkes, V for Vendetta

I is now officially a "V" junkie.
Please watch it. It is fucking nice. Thank you.

A very vivaciously venomous valkyrie.

2006-03-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

每一件不得不放手的思念, 總算帶來過快樂.
每一段不得不完結的關係, 只是一種選擇.
倒不如這樣, 我們回到擁抱的現場, 証明感情總是善良, 殘忍的是人會成長.
在一起與彼此摸索兩個人同時佔有的快樂, 反而從厭倦裡面偷取恨愛.

儘管不懂完全明白是因如此而放縱, 但是祗得這刻可相信未來又怕會終於都撲空.

你叫我最快樂.
你也叫我最心痛.

在迷惘中, 你叫我最渴望, 卻也叫我猜不中.

誰可以這樣折衷曾與你愛過卻匆匆.

過去己有太多類同. 誰在心中怎能猜得準.

彷彿能跌進這刻感情光中, 一切已經共同. 也因如此, 才能有解脫.

2006-03-17T03:16:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I experienced a brief rush of euphoria.

Nothing of the naughty sort, but simply just being in the cockpit of one of man's modern creations, and cruising along Bukit Timah road at 70 km/h. Windows wound, a dewy late night breeze brushing gently against your face, and with Sigur Ros playing in the stereo, is enough reason to feel more alive than ever.

On that note, I've decided to come up with a list of awesome stretches of tarmac for all you melancholic junkies out there who might wanna share that moment of intimacy with yourself (please hold those sick thoughts again.) :-

1. Upper Bukit Timah Road
As recommended and expercienced by yours truly. I have no clue why but somehow I feel sort of attached to that stretch of road. It casts a tranquil sort of charm on me everytime I drive there. And of course, notwithstanding being able to hold the mortgage there might occassionally threaten to put me off.

2. Changi Coast Road
A favorite amongst amorous couples who are in search of brief pockets of privacy. The limited gantry-ways to the runaway which runs parallel to this road boosts a spacious lot for parking, plus it comes with a magnificent view of our beloved airport, with deadly gaseous fumes and aero-asphalt added for measure. A hot spot on weekends. (NOT only for young lovebirds mind you.)

3. Orchard Road
Don't be mistaken, Orchard Road may seem bustling with life in the day, but take a slow cruise along here at night may open yours eyes to a mellower side of Singapore's greatest sin. Do watch out for the young delinquents who dwelleth within.

4. Mandai Road
Wind down your windows and take whiff of nature's air-conditioning along here at 2am in the morning. Try stretching your arm out as you carreen along this uber long belt of serenity. Totally theurapatic. Do be careful with that stretching-hand-out thingy, you might just lay your palm on some cycling foreign-worker's genitals.

5. East Coast Parkway
The reason why I find that our nightsky is one of the truly awesome things to beget this tiny island. As you trudge up Benjamin Sheares bridge, take a moment to gasp in awe at the grandeur of the Singapore River and its tapestry of skyscrapers. Sigh.

There you have it, my top 5 list of recommended routes for leisure cruising. Hey, don't blame me if it isn't substantial enough, it doesn't help that I've been staying in the West all the while.

Come to think of it, this post is entirely pointless. Petrol costs an arm and a leg here. So stay home. Play GT4.

2006-03-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

These days there's hardly anything to lament/bitch/whore about. Every single detail sort of slips away the minute you recall it. Lest the remarks/comments everyone of us indulges in just for that moment.

I was going through some random character map thingy I did recently, and I realised, from the results shown, that I have portrayed a myriad of attributes to so many. In that instant, what I gathered was, either no one (even in the faintest sense) knows me, or *gasp* I don't know what I have made myself known to others. In a sense, I can't even tell for myself (from others) who I truly am. It is a disturbing thought.

For the longest time, I have come to terms to being that character I put on to showcase to the world. Some call me simple and relaxed, some say I'm quiet and complex, a couple feel I make a good listening ear, while others find me uncouth, aloof and vulgar. It truly astounds me, that even though these traits are totally random or even done haphazardly, that the difference between them are that extreme.

On a hind side, this is just another silly way of getting your friends to rate (judge?) you. In fact, I shouldn't be too affected by this. Its just that, when the situation is being raised, the waylaid dictations by your fellow peers are so much more perchant than you actually finding out for yourself. It saddens me to a point, when I can't even meekly muster a few constants. (Notwithstanding all the weaker points lah)

At least, in a broader sense, I can still recognise my own reflection. Ha.

2006-03-13T09:10:00.000+08:00

Whatever is it that you seek when you wake up each day?

What is it you want fulfilled everyday you trudge yourself halfway across the country to plant your ass on a chair for 8 hours?

What do you see when you stare out the window of a train as it transcends across a concrete landscape marred by desecration and despair?

What do you figure goes through their minds when you look into their cloudy gaze?

They laugh. When they're euphoric. But when you cry, why so? It astounds, for the reasons when you do so. For it could be for a million reasons, or for only one. Sometimes, one is enough.

But, do you know when to stop?

2006-02-24T09:10:00.000+08:00

He casts his gaze upon the grey asphalt. And mustering up a tangent effort, he shuffles along the pavement, taking a tinge of sharpness with every step. He arches his chin up, to realise he could find a compelling reason not to quicken his pace, the evening breeze threatening to break into a concerto of rain and thunder.

He sweeps his vision arcoss the urban landscape, and scrutinizes his surroundings, only to find it barren of any life, as befitting for that hour of the day, and almost immediately, fighting back a dormant urge to exclaim his displacement. In its place, he lets out a meek sigh as a fleeting moment of nostalgia slowly engulfs him.

Eventually, he painstakingly turns and lifts his feet out onto the street, albeit startled briefly, unconscious of the fact that his glasses had begun to fog up, as a thin stream of warmth trickles a temporary choreographed imprint down his already damped cheek.

2006-02-19T02:57:00.000+08:00

(Warning : Expletives and profanities in the following entry. If you are mildly/obtrusively offended, please leave. If you are not, please leave as well. Unless you're a hot babe with 36-24-36 vital stats, oozes sensual elegance, at the brim with nymphomanical pheromones, have a slight resemblance to Liv Tyler and a sense of humour, please do leave something in the comments box. Thank you.)

If it never ever gets this far, it wouldn't have started in the first place.

The lack of updates that is.

What truly iradicates my train of thoughts is the ambiguity of malicious comments and ideals, directed not to ourselves, but ultimately the big picture as a whole. Who am I kidding? I'm philosophical all of a sudden. But try being on the wrong end of the stick. All. The. Fucking. Time.

For a fraction of the shortest month of the year, it sure has been a long, insinuous trek along the highway of gloom. The whatnots and hasbeens at work, play and even during my occassional phase-outs.

I do have good news though. I am pleased to announce that I am finally released from the shit-hole I had the honour of hatching my butt for 8 hours daily for 3 years. You know, when you drag your butt off the bed every morning, usually ending up on the wrong side, pondering around your wardrobe, rushing for the bus, missing breakfast and engaging in ensuing moral combats? Now imagine the opposite. (though I reckon the part about dragging your butt off the bed every morning, ending up on the wrong side, pondering around your wardrobe, rushing for the bus, missing breakfast and engaging in ensuing moral combats probably won't change in the long run.)

Considering the fact that I may never have a chance to unleash my fury on the one responsible, I shall follow my previous stint and be cowardly and ball-less by painting my wrath on my virtual canvas (cue blog-whoring) :

Me : Here you go, Pompus Pimpled Penis-head. (throws envelope onto desk)

PPPH : Huh? What is this?

Me : What?! Dunno what it is open up and see la! You really Penis-head ah? Got only ONE eye cannot see? Pak jiao ah? Or only got eyes for chee bye???

PPPH : Excuse me?

Me : Oh sorry, was I being rude? I didn't realised I was until I called you a fucking ang dao lan jiao tao! *translate as "Red Bean Penis Head" Hey, It rhymed.*

PPPH : ?!?!

Me : What? Now become ay gao?! *translated as "dumb dog"* To be honest, I dunno what the fuck you do sitting in this dump you call an office! Either you sit there like sick perverted voyeur you are and bio all the fat bitches you hired or ask them to sit on your minute cock whilst you grab their fat pussies which in any case is anatomically impossible but because you are a penis head you'd probably get a hard on and that may allow you to stretch just enough for you to reach! Or better yet since you've got two TVs in your office, you could have played some bestial gay porn to get you started before you blow your thick yellow pus all over your fat saggy testicles!

~~~~~

That would have been traumatising for the poor bastard.
Maybe I should put it like this.... :

Me : (knocks on door)

PPPH : Come in.

Me : Hi, I'm submitting this.

PPPH : (cue sarcastic snicker)
PPPH : You're leaving? Hmm...I wonder why.

Me : Oh. No reason. I'm just thinking this is the right time for me to go.

PPPH : Ooooh Kaaay. You wanna take a seat?

Me : Oh its alright. I need to finish my stuff if you don't mind.

PPPH : Okay. (raises brow until can catch housefly with his wrinkles) Maybe we'll talk again before you leave.

Me : Yeah. Errmm...Sure.

~~~~~

Hmm. There. More civilized alternative. I AM actually more looking forward to moving my stuff home. In cardboard boxes. With stacks of free printing paper. And free stationery. And (of course) free farewell luncheons. Ha.

2006-01-15T03:40:00.000+08:00

There's this air of charred flesh, torn souls and misplaced body parts, floating about in our local blogging midst. You know, the kind you get when everyone's flat out lying on their backs with spears and axes bludgeoned down their sickly self-oppressive torsos and sticking out at the wrong end.

The debacle - a myriad of women out at each other's throats.

The insinuating aftermath - all are scorned and none the wiser.

I've come to think of this - Nothing comes without a price. What started it all was a little invitation for a chance at a little media-whoring et al narcissm. A slice of the I'm-famous-somehow-and-people-want-to-see-more pie. Something I gather your average female counterpart will probably lap up (Yes, that includes you Grandma). Heck, aren't I the sexist bigot? Sorry guys.

I apologize once again if I'm sounding like this self-righteous prick, who only sits at home in front of his monitor and whacks off to bestial lesbian thumbnails, but let me get this out, it's only just WORDS;

Let me see how shall I put it?

Okay how's this?

There truly is never a right or a wrong.

Somehow, there always is a side of the story we all, and when I meant all it includes the "contenders" themselves, that will stay within that myriad of the so-called "truth".

Note I used "" when I said "truth".

Simply because there is none.

If you know what I'm talking about, I guess there really isn't a need to go on should I? I mean, this is truly none of my fucking business.

Don't get me wrong. I read all 4 ladies. Daily. (Mainly because I truly lack a real social life and/or probably I'm running out of bestialility porn sites. Lesbian ones.) I find they all lead richly endearing lives. The sweet nectar that runs through those young endearing souls (no offence to anyone in their primes. God, What does it take to please these people. GEEZ.). And the way they write truly leaves an impression. I enjoy them all. Truly.

I suppose at the end of the day, no one envies any of them for what they have gotten themselves into, nor for the lives they lead, the things they see or do, and the power they wield with words, I know I wouldn't want to get into any verbal debate with them anyday.

To be honest, the reason why I chose to post this entry, was to remind myself, that there are better things in life to be worried about, to be carried out, to think about, then to get ourselves involved in a silly tirade about misbegotten claims regarding fame, elitism, bigottry, racism, religion and the mother of all fuckups - hate.

Look at it this way, the moment someone rebukes, it morphs into an endless exchange of abuse and self-proclaimed exclaimations of the alternate side of the verdict - your own. Isn't this what it's all about? Yourself.

On a lighter note, what they will have realised are the people who they were with when they started out with this whole montage of madness. And who weren't. They should know.
Amen for things like personalities and friends.

See, we're all this same selfish creature. We take our stand just because it concerns intergrity, reputation and heresy of our own existence. We try to steadfastly churn out what we think we believe in. We take sides just because there is ALWAYS a different side of the story. And it's always nice to have someone on your side. But undeniably there will only be ONE obvious reality. We live in techni-colour world and sometimes we have little control over how the words play out. And that is why there will always be War. And Death. And Suffering. And the damage stays.

Sigh. The endless pursuit of mediocrity. I'll just lay claim to my own worth. But that is just...well...NOTHING. Not to any of you anyway.

P.S. For all you people know, ALL of them (skanks, bitches, impersonators, victims, culprits, etc) might be in it together and pulling you lot for a large-scale reality scam.
Now that's wicked.

2006-01-04T16:26:00.000+08:00

There's that time of the year again when we all get down to resolutions, resolutes, resonance and Reinassance.

I figured I've been gone long enough for people to no longer notice me. I need to do some narcssistic blog-whoring. Just to get that jive going on.

I've been in and out of cynical swings and that emotional brush with all things dark and nasty. Call it a temporary state of incognito. Awesome. But then again, call it whatever you want. Because I am still me.

Articulately, those dying moments of 2005 has been a condusive sinewing chapter in my dysfunctional life. More than what I can handle. Over the festive periods, I have fought with foreign workers, trudged through a wall of sweaty bodies, had my wallet nicked in the process, gone for 3 interviews (about freaking time), and done battle with forms of inanimate objects, including a door knob.

Now as things come to a close, I can't but relate to the doppelganging effect when I see people around me ending the year with, metaphorically, an end to all their prenuptial commitments as well. I seriously ponder that domino effect it has on the general state of things I've been seeing. Friends whom are on the verge of marriage, friends who recently got hitched, friends who are waiting to be hitched, putting a prematured epilogue on that "so-called romance" all no sooner than you can say "Wah sian now only me left on the shelf!". The irony.

Is it the state of mind we all have, that we can all blame the norm of society that begets us all the different poise we bear, the wants and donwans? I have seen it as an inevitable bane that we are subjected to. The simplest of things are already that easy to falter. I sincerely do not wish to see people I care about slip into a state of atropy.

I have been trying to control that emotional upsurge that has been dawdling at my throat which will probably have left me in a smelly heap with its contents all spewed over my lifeless carcass underneath that prodigal shelter people call commodity. Power is nothing without control. Control is nothing without entropy.

But I gues, that's the least of my worries now. I pray for all to have a blessed year ahead.

Happy(?) New Year.

2005-12-08T11:30:00.000+08:00

Pathetic.

My blog is worth $564.54.
How'>http://www.business-opportunities.biz/projects/how-much-is-your-blog-worth/">How much is your blog worth?

2005-11-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

I'm all *censored* up as of this moment on.

Actually it's been like this ever since. But hey, can't I make a statement? It's my space, ain't it? I don't owe anyone shit.

You know it hits you when :

you're as broke as a pauper,
you can't buy shit (like the latest games, that chic shirt, bracelets for your girl, condoms, etc) because you're a pauper,
you're stuck in a sickening job,
you have a tendency to have problems with authority due to point 3,
the authority from point 3 has a problem with you,
your girl thinks you're full of shit,
you're still procrastinating about taking up that degree,
everyone else is somewhere else,
and that somewhere else tends to be less shitty than yours,
your PC is all screwed (as much as you are) and is officially dead (which you should be now, you sorry, self-piteuos, conceited prick),
you can't download shit because of point 7,
and your pirate balls will be clamped legit, just because if you do so...
...you won't wanna be going to jail because of that,
your best friend is still your PS2,
you still suck at Resident Evil 4,
you haven't been laid in a week.

There. 16 reasons why my life sucks. Before you troll on about how everyone has their own problems, let me tell you that I DON'T GIVE A FLYING *censored* about their shit. Not like I expect anyone to be bothered with mine. Don't start with that quarter-life crisis shit either.

Laugh like the deranged hyena you are, you bigot.

Done? Now go away.

2005-11-17T12:17:00.000+08:00

The air feels remotely cold around here. Door keeps slamming. Noise. The stench. The adolescent screech of a wanton acolyte nearby. Cold. Crestfallen. What is here? Where is here?
I start to cringe. Hunger pangs. Nicotine pangs. Alcohol pangs. I start to crave attention. Can you not look at me that way when you talk to me? Shut up. Stop breathing down my neck. Dread. I want to feel tranquility. I want to stare at the sky. It is grey. It is raining. I like the smell. It refreshes me. A mordid, uplifting sense of ecstasy. The air still feels chilly. And it chokes. What do you want from me? Fuck mediocrity. Fuck mainstream ideals and notions. Fuck the nuclear stereo-types. Fuck complexity. Fuck the irony of the situation. I claw at the edge. I helplessly wave an out-stretched arm in your view.

Then I start to wake.

I hear you.

And I no longer understand what you are saying.

2005-11-16T10:17:00.000+08:00

Egads! The horror!

No sweat lah zoukettes, this one the zouk in KL one.

By the way, has anyone had this tomorrow-ed yet? I reckoned someone would have.

2005-11-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

Email : See this website www.click-six.com quite tor kong… I mean for a shop tt sells accessories.
I bought myself a hair pin there!

Phone Call -

Me : What did I tell you about shopping during lunchtime? You went to OG right, you naughty woman.

Her : I bought a very lovely hair clip only what. It's very nice mah and it comes in a pair maybe I can give one to you. And plus you must apply Axe Oil. Then I clip mine on my jeans.

Me : Hair clips belong to your hair not jeans! And I don't want you to lose a clip in that bush on my head and I don't want to walk around looking like a fag and smelling like an auntie.

I am dead as of the moment that comment was posted.

2005-11-08T15:54:00.000+08:00

I've just carved an ear wax remover out of my pen cap.

Someone please hoist me up and maim my head off with a ceiling fan.

2005-10-27T10:59:00.000+08:00

His eyes twitches. He struggles to adjust himself in his seat. Almost instantly, he lears up and sets his gaze across the blurring landscape as the bus swiftly pulls out of the kerb. A myriad of images fills his mind. His thoughts casually drifts to abandonment. He dreams of escape and exile. A sudden pang of sorrow overcomes him. He watches as the throng of office crowd mingles by along the dusty streets. And he begins to wonder.

All this while, he'd wanted to try to make things okay. He'd wished he had more to offer. More than what was expected. Astride from the cesspool he was constantly trudging in, he sought out to better himself. He struggles to maintain an equilibrum to the normality of routine. A certain misplacement of words, a slippery exchange of inexhorbitant ideals.

Sometimes, he wonders, some things were best left unsaid, and unspoiled.

2005-10-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

I just did a random thing and googled my name. Results produced a couple of indignous laughs. Especially the one about the sheep. And apparently I'm supposed to be good at Bridge. I discovered as well that I'm a far cry from any of the more prestigious titles my name-sakes are carrying.

I've just realised that there's nothing else to add. So much for consistency and depth. It's a Friday and I'm stuck in between decisions. Plus an overwhelming presence constantly breathing down my neck. I'd best get back to what I was previously doing.

Later.

2005-10-07T01:45:00.000+08:00

It screws my mind to no end what goes on in my life each day. I sincerely hope that the day when I start posting pictures instead of words here doesn't come. No offence to anyone.

I felt a verbal diarrhea coming on a few moments ago. Think I lost it somewhere between a couple of episodes of HK drama serials and a bowl of Myojo 100 Ramen. Right now, what's left in in my noodle is a few ounces of guilt and a bout of horniness. (Okay that didn't entirely came out right.)

I am guilty as charged. I have been branded a "pilot". Not literally (shucks), but due to the fact that I have been putting off meetings with people I know and whom I haven't met for a while, for reasons I choose not to disclose, and for that I am ashamed.

So to all friends, pals, buddies, colleagues, I seek your forgiveness.

I know you guys will forgive me one lah. (Yeah since when!?) 'Cause you all are magnanimous and benevolent beings (Of cos la! No need say!) , and also because I ain't worth it (Now then you know ah, you-with-a-head-that-resembles-a-penis!). I'll try to make it up. I promise. (Like real ah! Wait until my grandma give birth ah?!) I know it's going to take a lot of convincing (Give each of us ang bao maybe can discuss...), I understand its our actions that defines us. (Better make it a fat ang bao.)

My life isn't as interesting or as smooth-sailing as most would expect. But I guess everyone of us has our own troubles. It isn't as easy as penning it down here would change things nor do any good. I've seen a couple of people whom I've just met through the blogosphere close their blogs down. It seems a lot of us has lived out our blogging episodes. Albeit prematurely, but I honour and treasure each one of your entries and comments. Thanks for bringing it out and keeping my sanity alive.

I'll try to write more. And I hope people will enjoy or share my thoughts with me. Be it a familiar face or just straying eyes. I welcome your comments. Thanks for being there, whether or not you were. Thanks again.

2005-09-14T14:08:00.000+08:00

You know what? Screw mediocrity! No more cheesy titles or goddamn templates from now on. Too tired to come up with that kinda shit.

I know la! I haven't wrote anything here for a goddamn long time. Busy can? No one bothers to read my crap anyway. What with the blogosphere now so 乱七八糟 this cannot say that cannot write it has taken a downturn for most (much like the state of the world right now...) Wait the next time I never write will probably because I'm squatting in some langky corner in Changi!

The past few weeks have been a topsy turvy ride through this social blight I call my life. I've turned 25 (grey hairs), been searching for a new job (more grey hairs), been searching for a degree program, celebrated a couple of peeps who were oso turning 25 or less (grey hairs and an empty wallet). Through this tradgetory of events, I'll have to confess that I've lost a -

sense of motivation (job going nowhere)
sense of belonging (friends beginning to remotely treat me like outcast)
sense of humour (maybe that's why my friends remotely treat me like outcast)
sense of direction (go toilet do business cannot aim properly into hole anymore then kena scolding from auntie...)

This cannot carry on.

If not, really no one will bother to read all this crap. Not even me. I need to get some highs in! Maybe illicit sex can do the trick?

Cue mistverge : "what the hell is wrong with chu!?"

2005-08-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

只是乾妹妹

Right, I'm on a crappy connection again tonight. Must be fluctuation in my block again. I hope this goes up. (What the heck are all these people doing on a holiday eve night?! Go out for Pete's sake! LTA never extend MRT operating hours for nothing. Go out get drunk and rowdy and bonk like rabbits for Matthew's sake! Some of us got blogs to update! Cos now got fans liao mah.)

Okaaayy...now on to business.

Wait. What was I suppose to write?

Crap.

Okay. I know. Let's talk about this ever on-going trend of pet names. Especially those with Kor-kors and Jie-jies and Di-dis (no naughty pun intended) and Mei-meis. For years, I still can't totally fathom why would anyone wanna address someone who is relatively not even distantly related to you, lest to be called affectionately by the above salutations. I admit it. I've adopted a couple of meimeis in the past. I can barely recall my first "mei-mei" to swanker out of a popular chat medium in the late 90s, with whom I got attached with emotionally. (Cliche isn't it? But hey, who doesn't make mistakes? We grow up eventually. And I'm not talking about me here.)

Apparently, it doesn't end there. This fab of calling someone you presume close to you with brotherly/sisterly affection does seem quite harmless, in fact it sort of acertains your status with the said someone. Especially when she's a babe.

Observe.

"Woah that XXX sibei jude ah!"

"Ya, buay pai hor? She my mei-mei leh."

"Wah! Really ah?"

"Ya, steady."

"Intro leh!"

"Cannot lah. Must protect her cos she very vulnerable to amorous mei-mei ravaging perverts like you."

"Chey, mei-mei only what, oso not girl friend! Grow up la! How old liao still keep MEIMEI?!"

Okay. That didn't quite come out as expected. With that note, it does happens that some of them meimeis do so just so as to draw that line that, well, that's the furthest you can go. But then again, who honestly cares? She chio. Up lor.

You'd probably be thinking, what I have against people having make-shift siblings?

Nothing. Just that a few moments ago, a friend's girlfriend told me that I got that Kor-kor kinda impression on her. Wazzup with that?!

And yes, I still have a make-shift meimei. And she just called me from Down Under. Not very jude oso la.

2005-08-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

Tread lightly...

...for I will measure each and every step you take." - by dunno-which-know-it-all-idiot

It has been a hell of a ride, and I reckoned its time I set a few things straight. A couple of days back, mistverge was telling me how much I've come to see beyond the things I've become too used to, too resilient to forgo. Which was good. But right now, I've decided I must set a few resolutes to pen and paper,

Ergo :

1) Quit my smokes.
2) Get a new job.
3) Get my degree.
4) Get a hobby.
5) Get into shape.
6) Get a piggy bank.
7) Drink less coffee.
8) Get a tan. (highly unlikely)

Alright. That's gonna take some work. Can someone now throw me a lifeline? Maybe some number i can call? Hello? A little help here?

2005-08-02T01:22:00.000+08:00

Lone Scape ~Post Mortem

I've been blogging for over a year now. I've written several anecdotes and cheesy taglines for the amusement of all, for friends, for strangers, and most of all, for thyself.

Right now at this very instant, I am about to pen the one entry that is to be the most influential and most significant to me at this very moment. To dictate what I had started all this for. To carve a certain epitome to every single fragment of my life that has come to this. This very point in my journey where I stand.

By myself. For myself.

In years to come, (and in hope that they do not close down Blogger), I will look over my shoulder, and find, albeit how moss-covered, or how ancient it might have seem, my only solace, that I had been painstakingly seeking to find, and had for that instant, lacked the courage to lose.

There is silence all around me now. I can still hear myself. Literally. My own voice. Within the confines of my being. I challenge the thought of how tedious letting go had become, how tiring its toil on me it has been. But right now, I seek the final cut, drawing the curtains on this recurrant episode. To finally see through my own selfish blindness, that I have sought out a certain path, a certain detour, a retreat from a conceited naive notion.

The cloak lifted. I see it now. It had always been this clear. I just didn't realise it, and I had stubbornly chose the surreal instead. I had shunned reality. When in the first place, it was never mine to begin with.

And hence, it never will be.

Now, I see myself as a mere reflection of what I had used to be. I brush away a tear. I trembled as I tried to ignore the agonising hot sear in my eyes. I push myself up from the coldness of the floor. I dust away the pain, the overdue sorrow, the promise of a lost hope.

I welcome the warmth. The blinding obviousness of the truth that had always stayed where it had always been. I start to walk down the winding path ahead. I tremble with excitement, waiting to discover what it yields. I embrace it.

I take one long last glance over my shoulder. And I realised, that I'd made another mistake.

I realised, this time, I am never looking back.

2005-07-31T13:55:00.000+08:00

My Innuendo

Something improper. Something un-called for. Something wicked, this way comes.

-----

Desperately, I've managed to clawed my way back to a reality I have so unsrcupulously neglected. I exhaled. I have come to terms with the fact that no amount of effort you put nor the extent of how you attempt to redeem yourself (or whichever comes first) can fully surmount the fact that sometimes, some things, are truly beyond you. All you can manage with is ultimately - yourself. Now I just need to find me again.

-----

Last night was another night filled with a cocktail (pun pun) of mishaps. A series of untimely events. A ten minute wait at a well known japanese eatery that spawned into a 45 minute hunger pang. (We should have known better.) All in the midst of an exchange of saliva droplets and rude words, we decided to settle for the seats outside.

Dinner had better be good. Which in turn, sparked another turn of events :

Guy Friend : "Eh, how come you don't want to take that seat inside?" (referring to a seat against a row of bouganvilleas/orchids/watever that acted as a divider)

Gal Friend : "Cos got the flower zhor teng there how to eat??!" (referring to a single bouquet of bouganvilleas/orchids/watever that was peering deliriously over. The cheeky thing. Confirm is want to see long kang.)

Me : "Come, I help you lah." (referring to a fool who in an act of chivalry (a.k.a. score points) proceeded to attempt to push the amorous bud to the other side of the row.)

Piak.

"Oops." (referring to the omnimous and disgusting snap of a plant stalk of bouganvilleas/orchids/watever and the exclaims of a flower murderer.)

At the end of it all, the friend decided to stay put. Wait people malign her for killing a plant just for leering down her neckline.

Dinner was good.

2005-07-29T09:30:00.000+08:00

Last Serenade

Everyone talks about the agony of a heartache. The need to have a clear mind when you need it the most, to rationalise the outcome of the situation. You grasp at the thought when will this all end. When you will cease to carry out "suicidal" tendencies (like trying to smash your forehead on any flat plane available, or basically eat yourself to death.) and announciate the fact that it won't solve anything. When you clutch your heavy heart and moan for the pain to literally stop. (It hurts, really)

What can you do? Honestly.

You mope around your room, trying with every pan and scan to bligh the instances that flash before your mind at every single thing that has her written all over it, struggling to push it all away but somehow, you lack that courage to. You wish somebody was here to tell you what to do. You wish that somebody would be significant enough to make up your mind for you. You wish that somebody was her.

Then, you fall again. Knowing the possibilities almost equates to nought.

You told people that things happen for a reason. Never ask why it is what it is. Always move towards what is to be done from the moment the reason presents itself. It overshadows the possibility of having known that for a matter of fact, it was bound to happen.

Then the pain grips you. And you snap back into reality. And then you realise - she's never coming back.

2005-07-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

On The Mend

I can't let go.

My hands are trembling as I type. If it means anything , I don't want to look fragile, truncated or misplaced because I know that's not the kind of guy you hope to see in me. I've been struggling to keep from shattering. I haven't spent the past few days and nights just feeling sorry or just disgesting the fact that I am an idiot. All I seek is solace and redemption.

Then, maybe it just wasn't enough.

But still, I want to prove to you that I can and will change.

You told me a hiatus would do us good. I try to comprehend. I take a step back. I try holding my breath. In time, perhaps with earnest, we might still be able to carry out our plans. Enough for now you said. Stubborn I may have been but thus far I have kept behind the line. But I will not budge nor will I fade away. I tread softly.

And I won't let go. I can't.

2005-06-28T00:12:00.000+08:00

Preludes and Nocturnes

Alright. The pissed one is back. I admit I've been on far too long a hiatus to surmount the record. My apologies to all my fans. Yeah, that's right. All 5 of you. (Egad! Someone actually comes here!)

It sucks when you start to realise that you haven't been really keeping up with everyone. And for all the time that was lost, it doesn't make it any easier for anyone to begin somewhere again. But considering the fact that I've been thwarted, tortured, tampered and trifled with, I have my reasons for not being able to be updating this crap hole for a while. mistverge suggested I should CPR this place (as should have been with my PC earlier), so here I am.

I'll spare you guys the gruesome details for now. I need to search for my foothold again. Somehow I've lost my mojo. Keep coming back for the more juicier poopie bits. It's the least I can do for my fans.

Yeah, that's right. That would mean you, you nitwit. I can't believe you're still here.

2005-04-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

: Last Cry

People have been telling me my blog reeks of sullen anecdotes and random acts of depressive behaviour. "Kel, u are a funny person. Why your blog so damn sad?" Aiyah, that's cos I chose not to present my obsure moods in front of you guys mah. Don't wash my dirty linen in public ya? Besides, I've got a couple of goofy moments in here oso what...

I beg your forgiveness nonetheless.

To set the record straight, I never started blogging because I wanted to profound the world with inane thoughts, softcore wisecracks, bedroom politics nor to bemoan my personal existence or seek fame and stature. I chose this simply as my avenue for my thoughts. You are cordially invited to read it if you stumble upon it. Comments are duly welcomed. I don't intend for you to like it nor hate it. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Actually I want to be famous oso la. Who don't want? I oso want to be featured in the poh chua. I oso want my mugshot taken. I oso want to be lominated for blog awards. Who don't want?

Okay, my bad. I digressed. I've decided to be more chirpy from now on. You shall see kelnvb swinging from a canary cage no more. No more this cow pay for that cow's poo. From now on its wholesome PG fun. Tonight shall be my last cry.

I haven't actually cried for a while. The teary kind. (Not while watching cheesy, soapy lomantic movies. That one no count.) The last disposition I had was sort of the fleeting kind. It was during my last real relationship. I broke off with her after 4 painstaking long years. I recalled the aftermath as a short spell of rolling on my bedroom floor for roughly about 5 minutes, bawling my lungs out and at the same time flailing my limbs amok. Imagine the look of my mum when she came in to check on me. It was a horrific sight. That disgust. That twisted grimace. That bloodcurdling scream. And I thought I was the one in the worser situation.

Riiiiiggghhhhtttt. That was a lame take on trying to be chirpy.

Admit it. We're all crybabies. Heck, the first thing we do when we see the light of this world is to cry. And as we progress into adulthood, we've peckered our tearbuds now and then. We cry when we're happy, when we yawn, when we cut onions, when we fall in love, when we fall out of it, when we're hurt. For obvious reasons, the latter is more than often the true culprit of opening our pearly floodgates.

I used to cry. Sometimes. When I recollect old memories. When I clean skeletons out of my closet. I'd be at my window. With a ciggie. And my favourite crying song. I'd think. Then I'll let them flow. I'll let them roll down my cheek. I'd let go. (And sometimes my ciggie along with it. Cos concentrate too much liao, ciggie burn finger then drop. Nabei.)

Come to think of it....a bit too drama la! What de heow?! So gu niang! Gimme a break can? Mind you that was donkey years back hor.

I don't miss it now though. But in fact, it is good to enjoy a good cry now and then. Got scientific study one ok? Just don't bo dai bo jee ask that cow to pay for this cow's poo la.

Go ahead. Pick a spot. Choose a CD. Get some booze. Knock yourselves out.

2005-03-31T21:44:00.000+08:00

: Of Egg Tarts, Dim-Sum-Dollying, Torn Backsides and Retail Therapy : Part Un

Reality is truly harsh. It strikes you the moment you land, the moment you step on the gangway, and the moment you take a breath of the all-too-familiar-half-polluted-half-sanitized air of this puny island.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate this place, I just hate the thought of coming back to all the hoo-ha that was still around where I last left it. Call me an escapist.

Planning for this trip was a blast. I met up with her initally for a casual dinner date a couple of weeks back. I didn't expect I'd be going on a trip with her, considering we were both estranged from each other for nearly a year. We plopped ourselves somewhere atop a famous hill with an equally famous bar and a supposedly famous cruise liner conveniently drifted by...

Her : (leering over the hilltop) Hmmm...sian leh. I've been contemplating to go for a holiday till now still haven't go. It's been a long while since I went on a cruise also. Then gonna start work soon. My days are numbered.
Me : Likewise leh. I took leave to go Bangkok but kena put airplane so now stuck here. Again.
Her : Is it? How come?
Me : My so call kaki just got himself attached and thus is currently enjoying his "honeymoon". You know the rest la...
Her : Eh, then when u take leave?
Me : Next weekend lor.
Her : ..............
Her : (frantically slaps my thighs and proceeds to start baying like a donkey) Eh! Eh! Eh! Then we can go cruise together mah like dat! Want?

I wanted so badly to get out of this place for too long. And along she came. She has this tendency to pop out at the right moment at the right time telling me the right things. As always. Even when I met her for the first time.



Valuair redefines the epitome of 便当.

2005-02-27T02:48:00.000+08:00

Random still frames : =

"Don't forget I got 3 different levels of tolerance one hor. Hah? haaaah?? HAAAAAHHH????!!!"

"You're the first guy that I ever prepared a picnic for so you should feel damn honoured."

"You don't know me, Kelvin. You don't know me."

"Everyone's been asking me, is there any hope of you guys getting back together again? Maybe what didn't work out before will work out now? You've changed and he's changed. So why not?"

"I actually like some one now. Just that I know him for barely 2 weeks only. So i'm trying to figure this out. I don't wanna get hurt again."

"Thanks for just being there. If you didn't look like what you are, I'd swear I'd fall in love with you."

"Why didn't I choose you that time huh?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

"How nice it'd be if we could just waste our life away like this. How nice if everything was just the way it was now."

"Of course you can't see the char siew bao red dot on my head - it's hidden."

"I think my grandma likes you."

"I think you should just let me go."

"死白痴。"

Moods and muses::
Kavin Hoo - The Winding Path

2005-02-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

Considering my life is resembling a mud pack;

Try his, or his, or even his, maybe hers if u haven't already but I love hers the most.

Knock yourselves out.

2005-02-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

I am tired. Therefore today I shall write in simple plain engrish.

Why, you ask. I haven't the slightest faintest idea why. Or maybe I do. Or maybe its just everything.

Nothing to explain. Nothing to say. Just sick of everything. Work. Money. Family. Relationships. The world just doesn't work the way it used to be anymore. It has become thwarted, cruel, and it's totally ignorant to my pleas.

I plead temporary insanity.

I can no longer comprehend the human mind. Its twisted sense of humour. The forelorn indignancy of keeping promises. The interpretation of what-nots. How shallow it can get. And how misleading it can seem to others.

Everybody gets this sense of foreboding once in a while, but, dunno why leh, I can't seem to get out of this whirlpool of limbo. Why do I always feel this way? Why is it that things always turn out this way? Why am I who I am? Why?

I've been telling people, (adopt Confusciously pose) "Never ask yourself why, but as to how u can manage the why..." Seems more than often, our whys never seem to get answered.

I wish some higher being from some higher plane would pave my way to solace. I think I am addicted to feeling nostalgic and melancholy. People say its a disease and it prevents you from re-establishing rationality.

Sometimes I just want to be the one with the questions rather than the answers. But at this moment, I dunno what I should ask and I dread what the answers might be.

2005-02-11T02:10:00.000+08:00

"Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.
Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.
Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job!
Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down!
Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.
Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?
Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in caf�s, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from!
Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!
Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!
Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.
Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.
Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!
Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!
Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!
Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay!
Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!
Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.
Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass.
Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch.
Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers.
Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place." - excerpt from 25th Hour (Monty's Reflection)

Fuck the world.

No. No, fuck you, Kelvin. You.

::Moods and Muses::
Kavin Hoo - Sailboats in the Sky

2005-01-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

I'm an asshole.

Try it.

hmmm....

2005-01-24T01:15:00.000+08:00

I am feeling slightly disgruntled now.

MSN Messenger's down. I can't install the doodle pad. I am having a bout of insomnia. My belly's bloated to the size of my mama's kuali pan. And I've got bowel disorientation. Plus tomorrow/today is a working day.

I just downed half a can of Pringles in my plight. Wat else could be any worse?

::Moods and Muses::
Aqualung - Easier to Lie

2005-01-20T23:36:00.000+08:00

Selemat Hari Raya Haji.

I think. If that's how it goes. Do they have countdowns for this? ala Hari Raya/Deepavali/Thaipusam?? Hmm. Nope. No religious hiatus for tonight. Nope nope.

I'm home early. Nice night to be home early. Do a little dance, have a little booze, make a little love, write a little blog. J totally exclaimed her disbelief with my premature departure though.

"Hah?! Now what time niah?! So early you go home?! No "chai" ask you go clubbing meh?"

Nabei. Cannot meh. Tired mah. OT leh.

"Aiyah all got their own agenda already. My kaki also go home. You all also go home. So all go home lor. Can eat ketupat wor."

I have to admit to a certain extent, gatherings and meet-ups have slowly churned from a wholesome affair to the brink of being almost a chore. Possibly to the ones doing the organizing. The poor bastards. To have to take the pain and strain of planning a simple makan session/clubbing session/la kopi session has literally turned the boldest and earnest of chums to mere skimmed yoghurt. To have to endure the last minute backoutters and the I-see-how-first-let-you-know-again-ers. To have to all the hype worked up and scrapped at the very last moment. Sucks ya? Happens.

Take for example a situation that occured to me several years back while I was still in green. All the lads were all geared up for a trip down to Dbl O after an exercise to let our hair down (hey my camp can sport longer hair one hor. Ok pun intended.) There was this particular guy whom we tried to drag down 'cos there has been this ruckus around camp that he threw the gauntlet to us saying he can outlast anyone of us in the 5-10 ring. Put time put place I come. So he claimed.

"Eh siao eh! Where are you? Thought you said you wanted to come down join us?"

He has a tendency to cringe and moan his excuses out. Try imagining how you'd sound like when u wanted to keng MC to your boss.

"Err...guys sorry lah. I...think...I...*cough cough* a bit...stomach pain lah....don't know can go anot. *oo-er*"

"Want challenge us now want to back out?! Hum chee ah?! Stooomaaaacche paaaiinnn...You lai ang (a.k.a. period in male linguist) ah?!"

Hold on to your seats, folks. Here it comes. The classic one-off remark forever etched in the Walk-of-Lame.

"No lah...I...I...have to think of my future lah. "

What. The. Bloody. Fuck.

It probably took us around 30 seconds before that last sentence sank in. We promptly shrugged it off, laughed at it a bit, paid the cover, went in and left at 1am. (Cos no chais and no losers to challenge us so we got sick and sleazy) And rest assured we never kept him in the loop of our later clubbing sessions again.

Which brings me to a decision I have to make. I have a class gathering tomorrow evening. At Marche. Primary school one. Class of 6N3 1992. People whom I have not met for the last 8 freaking years. Except maybe my ex-girlfriend who so conveniently turns up for every such said gathering every year. And an old soccer-cum-secondary school friend. The rest - I have the faintest memory of their names, let alone their faces. The organiser has even requested for us to bring photos or intricate little knick knacks, which we might have kept, along so we could all (whoopee!) take a trip down memory lane together and reminisce about the hair-pulling, girl-chase-boy-around-school-compound and sng bao (flavoured ice packs) guzzling sessions we all shared (sure have one lah!) during those pubescent years. Come to think of it, it was kinda nostalgic.

The thing is this - I have nothing against the idea of oldie talk and old friends meeting up once in a while. Remembering those days. Having a good laugh together. Ha ha ha. So funny. I remember you last time the bag is pink colour one and is from Kimara. Then some more got carry the Metro plastic bag put Art Folio inside then sit school bus play Chee Koh Pa.

What's next?

8 years is a lot of catching up to do. Imminent questions like "Got girlfriend/boyfriend? What are you working as now? You getting married already?! Really?! Wah! You got drive here ah? How much you buy your car? Which university you attended? Where you go for holiday? Blah blah blah yadah yadah yadah..." Eventually, halfway through out the session, it would probably turn into a free-for-all when everyone would be trying their very utmost to impress everyone. The oohs and aahs. The hypocrisy creeping from underneath.

Its not anybody's fault actually. This is catching-up. Being apart for so long, the most mundane of topics would be all of the above. People change. It is superficial. It is to be expected. Much less predictable. The cat fights and idiosyncracies and plagrism would probably be thrashing around in our heads even after we'd parted.

Maybe I think too much. Is it really that bad? I mean I did shared 3 of my kinder-years with them. The least I could give is to respect their opinions and the courtesy of being invited to at least turn up. Tsk. Wassup with that?!

Okay lah I admit it's cos I don't wanna turn up early then have to go in book seats for the rest lah. Very paiseh one leh. Sit there with awkwardly tiny pockets of people whom you hardly know till everyone arrives to sit there awkwardly with a big collective of people whom you hardly know. Very lagi paiseh one leh.

::Moods and muses::
Humate - 3.2 (Bedrock Ambient Mix)

2005-01-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

Right. I had a fit of procrastination. Not that many will bother or care anyway. Considering the amount of attention I gather from writing.

So to set the record straight, Huppy Noo Yeer to all.

Wat else is there? Oh ya. Keep your resolutions. Its not like any of them are gonna be fulfilled anyway.

Right so wat's next? Hmm. Shall I bitch about work? Boring. Gals? Too sensitive. My hair? I'm not going there.

To be honest? I really have no fucking idea wat to write about today.

Its official then. I have finally lost it. I will have to come to terms with that.

Ooh ooh! Wait there is something! I was clubbing last nite at Zouk and I went to fetch a friend and I tripped on the steps, nearly lost my cap, fell flat on my butt for 10 seconds with my ubberly lawnmowed hair half-exposed and C just guffawing her intestines out. Shame shame.

Ok so the highlight of the week was getting the 2 ends of me being subject to humiliation and pain in front of 500 people. Let's see you top that.

Right. Off to my watering hole. Need to ciao and do something about the crop on top.

p.s. It's nice to know I have someone popping by now and then. Thanks YR. For that, this entry is dedicated to you.

::Moods and muses::
Fish Leong - Mo Li Hua

2004-12-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

This is long overdue...

2004-12-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

Merry Xmas's Eve's Eve!

Lame.

I've been having a prolapse these past 3 days. Just nice. Right before my feast tomorrow. (wails) I've been dredging the contents of my bowels until I don't know the difference between peeing and shitting. Sheer excruciating torment. The pain! The smell! The familiarity of pissing through my ass that has blown to the size of a light bulb! How degrading. I almost took pity on myself everytime I paid a visit to the little boy's room.

I digress.

Know this thing with over-indulging cabbies? It's a matter of luck most of the time actually. Sometimes you meet those you wouldn't mind listening to for a while, and there are those you'd just wanna stuff the gear stick right down their throat. Today, I had the honour of having the presence of the latter. I shall dub him Mr See-Suai. You'll find out why soon enough.

Me : Uncle, Choa Chu Kang.
Mr See-Suai : Err..Mister ah, you wanna go by...err..tsk...this PIE?
Me : Ya, sure.
Mr See-Suai : Then you wan me...tsk..U-turn here?
Me : Er...ya...no other way right?
Mr See-Suai : Then..err..tsk tsk...you wan me go by this...err...BKE later?
Me : Ya then after that exit to KJE then Choa Chu Kang Drive lor. (I figured he'd probably ask me again so I might as well finish it for him.)

(Pause)

Mr See-Suai : So..err...Mister...you work at this building ah?
Me : Err..ya.
Mr See-Suai : Wat company hah?
Me: ESPN.
Mr See-Suai : Hah? Ass..Pee...Ant...simi ah?
Me : Sports television.
Mr See-Suai : Orh..tsk...that...tsk tsk tsk...wat ah? Soccer one ah?
Me : Ya.
Mr See-Suai : Orh my brother oso work here i think...err...u know this....tsk tsk....(to protect the identity of the person aforementioned I shall use a fictional name dub See-Sway)...See...Sway??
(And he's probably the first person I've seen who needs 10 seconds to recall his brother's name)
Me : Orh. Ya think I heard before.
Mr See-Suai : Ya he my brother la...tsk tsk...he work quite long there liao...then the company now make...tsk tsk...how u say ah....make prof...tsk tsk...
Me : Make money?
Mr See-Suai : Ya ya. Is it hah? A lot of people...this wat hah....tsk tsk...soccer betting nowadays hor? So I suppose your company earn a lot la?
(At this juncture, I almost wanted to burst out laughing. Though I really can't fathom his ignorance or is he trying to pull my leg. Seeing he's struggling with his ang-moh, I tried to converse with him in mandarin. Futile attempt. Anyway...)
Me : Errr...uncle ah....that one is Singapore Pools earn, not us. We just broadcast only.
Mr See-Suai : (visibly startled) hah?............is it?.......tsk....orh......you all not earn through that one hah?....ooooorrrrrhhhh.......tsk tsk...

(Long pause)

Eventually, I arrive at my destination.

Mr See-Suai : Err...mister...here can?
Me : Ya here can. Thanks.
Mr See-Suai : Err...tsk...this wat ah...$11.50 ah mister.
Me : (I handed him a ten and a two) Nah. Uncle, keep the change.
Mr See-Suai : (This time, he gave his startled look again along with a whimper) Eh! Eh! (try thinking in quick gasps) Mister! You don't wan your..tsk...50 cents ah?
Me : Its ok, its ok. Really.
Mr See-Suai : Orh ok. Thank you hah. Really thank you leh. Thank you. (And he pockets his reward gleefully.)

If by now, you haven't figured out why I called him Mr See-Suai. Try thinking of a sport where there are innings and it resembles baseball. Amazingly though, he did cured me of my prolapse for a brief moment. Kudos.

::Moods and Muses::
信樂團 - 無情的夜晚

Pulled Over at :: Grace Chow

"Go away. I'm all right." - H.G. Wells (Author of "War Of the Worlds")

2004-12-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

I got totally intoxicated last night at dbl-o. Went on a 120 "Sex-on-the-beach" shots, 40 tequila shots and 1 "Waterfall" binge. Wait, before you go "Wah real anot? You alone drink so much meh? Wanna drown yourself ah?" lemme explain that I had company although as much as I can recall I only knew half of the crowd I was with that night. I figured I'd downed probably around 12 SOB shots and 6 teqs with the Waterfall finishing me off. The worse part was I wasn't able to pull the plug on all that poison in me and thus went home in a stupor, a tangy sour aftertaste in my mouth and fell flat on my pillow without a shower.

Okay, so it isn't anything to be proud of, much less talked about. People get drunk every week; you'd see dismail damsels prowled on all fours on the streets outside clubs, weeping their poor hearts out over some sordid failed relationship and thrawling the kerbs with remnants of their dinner. And of cos you have your weekly staple of the local ah beng or military personnel (honestly I can't tell the difference anymore) lashing out expletives which will eventually get you a live telecast of a typical episode on the Discovery channel.

I mean, can't they all get a room or something?

Maybe clubs should introduce some kind of "holding area" for such instances. Like maybe a lushy room with unlimited supplies of tissues, sofas decked with cutesy cuddly cushions and melancholic ala My-Heart-Will-Go-On tunes playing in the background just in the mood for the sappy whiners; and for the "kids", a padded asylum-madhouse-type adorned with a miscellaneous assortment of plush replica weaponry (those like American Gladiator type) and not forgeting adrenalin pumping techno/euro beats to get the neantherdal in them going. We wouldn't want them to hurt themselves now do we? And of cos each with its own restrooms for the convenience of washing up and err...ya...right.

Okaaaayyy. So I'm still hungover. Heck. Anyways, its the holiday season. I'm still up for more. Let's make merry. Hey wait, are those stars I see hovering over my monitor?

Is it just me or is half of my blog still in italics?

::Moods and Muses::
Amon Amarth - Versus the World

"你信就行﹐不信就不行。" - 馬大龍 from "我和殭尸有個約會3 之永恆國度"

2004-12-18T03:05:00.000+08:00

Happy happy Shite-day.

Elated that I celebrated 2 of my dearest friends' birthdays yesterday, had a hearty meal I thoroughly deserved, dropped by Mezza9 at the Meritius for a drink and caught Blade Trinity finally. Not happy that I was late for the dinner, the movie sucked (for once the local critics proved me wrong), blew 90 bucks in a matter of hours and reached home a pauper.

I'm starting to hate Fridays.

Completely off the record, it used to be Thursdays. That's because people comprehend Thursdays to be the in-betweens - the latter part of the week but somehow nowhere near the weekend. As such, Fridays are the only true (slavedriven) weekday the general mass look forward to. Its the weekend. TGIF. Solace. Hoorah. Though of late, ever since my job took a drastic change in lanes, Fridays has been officially declared my Shite-day of the week. Shite comes in troughs and troughs of manure-stenched bollocky amounts. And the trend is - always last minute one. Last minute when I wanna go catch a movie at 7pm; last minute when I wanna go take a shit (the real thing); last minute when I wanna catch the company transport; last minute when I've already shutdown my antique PC (which takes about 5-8 minutes to bootup) and of cos - last minute when I wanna dash for my pal's birthday dinner.

Shite obviously doesn't stop there. It just keeps flowing in its diabolical path of destruction and calamities. It eventually affects your mood (which in turn produces a blog entry of macabre intensity as such), your well-being, your wallet and what otherwise could have been an uneventful tranquil prelude to an already shortlived weekend.

And it just had to be a Friday. Damn you Shite, damn yeeeeewwwwww!

Pullovers ~ www.kavinhoo.com

::Moods and Muses::
Kavin Hoo - Nightfall

"If you think you know what's going on, you're probably full of shit." - Robert Anton Wilson

2004-12-14T22:38:00.000+08:00

I got myself involved in an accident.

Yesh u heard right. No, I'm fine. The car's not. Considering it only involved me. I shall spare u the gory details. It's for my sake. Lest I relieve the nightmare. And I kid u not, the whole scene is still spinning vividly in some dark recess of my retarded brain. Damages are gonna amount to nearly 1k. Heard of "A Series of Unfortunate Events"? I'm off to a fine spoofy start. (Friends should already know through MSN)
Bangkok plans scrapped. Xmas budget scrapped. Usage of car scrapped. Life sucks.

It's times like this I can't help but think I am such a sorry retarded ass. Hee~haw. Yesh I am. A RETARDED HALF-WITTED ASS. Hee~haw. With hoofs so twisted and mutated I couldn't even differentiate between the accelarator and brake. And promptly had to pay 1k right out of my own assy ass. Heeeee~~haaw.

It got me thinking though. This thing about human emotions and fate and all that sorta mumble. After that incident, the first thing that came to my mind was How the hell am I gonna explain it to my dad? Natural I guess. Next came the money. And principles. And to live with the fact that u can actually crash ur car in a shopping mall carpark.

My parents lashed out at me, inevitably. I don't blame them. They have the right to.
Dad : "U dreaming ah?"
Me : nods
Ma : "How can accelarator and brake cannot differentiate one?"
Me : nods
Dad : "How bad is it?"
Me : "Bumper....mffttfm..fog lamp...drrfftt...side skirting...bmfftt..."
Dad : "Huh?"
Me : "........"

Side track and fast forward to present. HS asked if I was free this 30th for her birthday. Given my current situation and demise, her's was a silver lining in my already seemingly gloomy year-end break.

"Hey u free this 30th?" she cooed.

" Ya I guess I am."

"Great, I'll have you down."

And promptly went on to say something like shit happens cheer up things could've been worse. She's an angel.

I need a laugh. And thank God for Friendster. I've got people telling me I look aloof and attitude and I piss them off.

Hee~haw.

::Moods and muses::
Luna Sea - Rain

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That's where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It's having backbone." - Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Author)

2004-11-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

Spoils of the day.

2004-11-25T01:01:00.000+08:00

Retail therapy. How theurapatic is that? People go on a senseless snob splurge, pick random objects of desire and blame the damage on their adolescent mood swings. How apt. But, alright i admit lah, it feels kinda shiok. It works. To a tee.

Speaking of tees, Abercrombie and Fitch's totally rocks. Got a steal at 2 tees for less than 50 moolah. Beat that. Had a hard time scouting around this flimsy island just to get myself one lousy crew top. But hey, now I have in my hands two. TWO leh. And I shouldn't be even flaunting it.

Today, a lesson was taught to me and a bud of mine. And could you have imagined? Of all places, in a CAB. At first, here's two lazy lame buggers hovering around a shopping mall, in a futile attempt to have to wait in a ridiculous taxi queue filled with over-sized-pooh-bear-in-sequined-plastic-wrap-carrying delinquents and loud, uncouth aunties / uncles with over-sized-pooh-bear-decked-baby prams. Fifteen minutes into it, we decided to hit the road and try our luck elsewhere. A careful thought gave us the notion that maybe if we just walked down the street, we'd might just hail one along the way. A few cigs and minutes later, there it was - this shiny piece of metal we'd call our chariot towards solace. Albeit we had to beat a group of ang moh kids a few feet before us whom we reckoned must have had a hell of a wait. Heck.

Turns out the cabbie's stopped a few feet before them for US to board DELIBERATELY. Hmm. Why? we pondered. He went on frivolously to explain that he detested expats. Admittedly, a few. It appears he has had a couple of run-ins with the bad eggs of the kwai lou community a few days back when they tried to swindle their way out of a fare. His story made sense. He seemed like a nice guy. I personally don't have a habit of chatting cabbies up but this uncle was...sincere in his anecdotes. And so we listened. He went on to relate a few incidents when he didn't accept any fare from the elderly, the financially strickened (true or not dunno lah), the rude and impervious, the disabled and this taiwanese guy who has been to Singapula for over 30 times, has never been to the Zoo and actually believes our local primates eats Big Macs for breakfast and drinks Tiger for tea. We chuckled our acknowlegement.

Thing is, he's shown a side (again, dunno true or not ah) that many of us have failed in. That's subjective you might pout. The lesson is in his stories, not the authenticity of them. Look at ourselves - the fillial peity, courtesy and respect our highly educated population, especially the young, thoroughly lack. When was the last time you stopped and bought tissues from the old lady scurrying around in your local hawker centres? When was the last time besides when the campaigns are held that u dialled 1900-XXX-XXXX for some $5/10/25 donation? Or even just as simple as saying hi to your neighbour?

So, the next time you embark on some theurapatical international brand killing spree , take a fraction of your time and think.

Oooh...doesn't that make me oh-so-so magnanimous? 2 ciggies, a fruit punch and 500 odd words later, I've decided to lay out my meditating tatami and reflect on my shopping sins. Ouch.

::Moods and muses::
New Order - Regret

"Somebody has to do something, and its just incredibly pathetic it has to be us." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

t he . gl as s . b o y .

The glass boy is married.

egads

distributing excess baggage

d o wn a win di ng r o a d

Ħ

a boy's wishlist

A Frozen Second

Colourgenics

Yoshoku Kitchen + Island Creamery = Bliss

randomness [叁]

Bogged Down

A Freudian Analysis

Trackback

Kana Sai

Ode to that "Duh" person

"Girly Man" by some random Indian vampire dude

Any Other Island But This One.

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

Abysmal Monday Blues

Awesomeness Epitomised

People Despise Me Because ...

Minutes to Midnight, Hours of Moaning.

Yes, Bring An Umbrella.

randomness [贰]

是错也再不分

randomness [壹]

The Hatch

Sssh..Tap tap..Can you hear that echo in the hollow?

Fall Out Boy

Renaissance

The Last Song

Coffee Shop Talk and Other Untied Loose Ends

With regards to the previous post...

JazzaNova @ Cafe Del Mar

Flawed

Detriment

纸包鸡 包 鸡包纸 包 包鸡纸 。。。

B for Bad-Ad-Lah

I Am Singaporean

I'm a Talent!

Talent: 72%Lifer: 36%Mandarin: 33%

纸包鸡包鸡包纸包包鸡纸。。。

Talent: 72%
Lifer: 36%
Mandarin: 33%