This is long overdue... 

Merry Xmas's Eve's Eve!

Lame.

I've been having a prolapse these past 3 days. Just nice. Right before my feast tomorrow. (wails) I've been dredging the contents of my bowels until I don't know the difference between peeing and shitting. Sheer excruciating torment. The pain! The smell! The familiarity of pissing through my ass that has blown to the size of a light bulb! How degrading. I almost took pity on myself everytime I paid a visit to the little boy's room.

I digress.

Know this thing with over-indulging cabbies? It's a matter of luck most of the time actually. Sometimes you meet those you wouldn't mind listening to for a while, and there are those you'd just wanna stuff the gear stick right down their throat. Today, I had the honour of having the presence of the latter. I shall dub him Mr See-Suai. You'll find out why soon enough.

Me : Uncle, Choa Chu Kang.
Mr See-Suai : Err..Mister ah, you wanna go by...err..tsk...this PIE?
Me : Ya, sure.
Mr See-Suai : Then you wan me...tsk..U-turn here?
Me : Er...ya...no other way right?
Mr See-Suai : Then..err..tsk tsk...you wan me go by this...err...BKE later?
Me : Ya then after that exit to KJE then Choa Chu Kang Drive lor. (I figured he'd probably ask me again so I might as well finish it for him.)

(Pause)

Mr See-Suai : So..err...Mister...you work at this building ah?
Me : Err..ya.
Mr See-Suai : Wat company hah?
Me: ESPN.
Mr See-Suai : Hah? Ass..Pee...Ant...simi ah?
Me : Sports television.
Mr See-Suai : Orh..tsk...that...tsk tsk tsk...wat ah? Soccer one ah?
Me : Ya.
Mr See-Suai : Orh my brother oso work here i think...err...u know this....tsk tsk....(to protect the identity of the person aforementioned I shall use a fictional name dub See-Sway)...See...Sway??
(And he's probably the first person I've seen who needs 10 seconds to recall his brother's name)
Me : Orh. Ya think I heard before.
Mr See-Suai : Ya he my brother la...tsk tsk...he work quite long there liao...then the company now make...tsk tsk...how u say ah....make prof...tsk tsk...
Me : Make money?
Mr See-Suai : Ya ya. Is it hah? A lot of people...this wat hah....tsk tsk...soccer betting nowadays hor? So I suppose your company earn a lot la?
(At this juncture, I almost wanted to burst out laughing. Though I really can't fathom his ignorance or is he trying to pull my leg. Seeing he's struggling with his ang-moh, I tried to converse with him in mandarin. Futile attempt. Anyway...)
Me : Errr...uncle ah....that one is Singapore Pools earn, not us. We just broadcast only.
Mr See-Suai : (visibly startled) hah?............is it?.......tsk....orh......you all not earn through that one hah?....ooooorrrrrhhhh.......tsk tsk...


(Long pause)

Eventually, I arrive at my destination.

Mr See-Suai : Err...mister...here can?
Me : Ya here can. Thanks.
Mr See-Suai : Err...tsk...this wat ah...$11.50 ah mister.
Me : (I handed him a ten and a two) Nah. Uncle, keep the change.
Mr See-Suai : (This time, he gave his startled look again along with a whimper) Eh! Eh! (try thinking in quick gasps) Mister! You don't wan your..tsk...50 cents ah?
Me : Its ok, its ok. Really.
Mr See-Suai : Orh ok. Thank you hah. Really thank you leh. Thank you. (And he pockets his reward gleefully.)

If by now, you haven't figured out why I called him Mr See-Suai. Try thinking of a sport where there are innings and it resembles baseball. Amazingly though, he did cured me of my prolapse for a brief moment. Kudos.

::Moods and Muses::
信樂團 - 無情的夜晚

Pulled Over at :: Grace Chow

"Go away. I'm all right." - H.G. Wells (Author of "War Of the Worlds")

I got totally intoxicated last night at dbl-o. Went on a 120 "Sex-on-the-beach" shots, 40 tequila shots and 1 "Waterfall" binge. Wait, before you go "Wah real anot? You alone drink so much meh? Wanna drown yourself ah?" lemme explain that I had company although as much as I can recall I only knew half of the crowd I was with that night. I figured I'd downed probably around 12 SOB shots and 6 teqs with the Waterfall finishing me off. The worse part was I wasn't able to pull the plug on all that poison in me and thus went home in a stupor, a tangy sour aftertaste in my mouth and fell flat on my pillow without a shower.

Okay, so it isn't anything to be proud of, much less talked about. People get drunk every week; you'd see dismail damsels prowled on all fours on the streets outside clubs, weeping their poor hearts out over some sordid failed relationship and thrawling the kerbs with remnants of their dinner. And of cos you have your weekly staple of the local ah beng or military personnel (honestly I can't tell the difference anymore) lashing out expletives which will eventually get you a live telecast of a typical episode on the Discovery channel.

I mean, can't they all get a room or something?

Maybe clubs should introduce some kind of "holding area" for such instances. Like maybe a lushy room with unlimited supplies of tissues, sofas decked with cutesy cuddly cushions and melancholic ala My-Heart-Will-Go-On tunes playing in the background just in the mood for the sappy whiners; and for the "kids", a padded asylum-madhouse-type adorned with a miscellaneous assortment of plush replica weaponry (those like American Gladiator type) and not forgeting adrenalin pumping techno/euro beats to get the neantherdal in them going. We wouldn't want them to hurt themselves now do we? And of cos each with its own restrooms for the convenience of washing up and err...ya...right.

Okaaaayyy. So I'm still hungover. Heck. Anyways, its the holiday season. I'm still up for more. Let's make merry. Hey wait, are those stars I see hovering over my monitor?

Is it just me or is half of my blog still in italics?

::Moods and Muses::
Amon Amarth - Versus the World

"你信就行﹐不信就不行。" - 馬大龍 from "我和殭尸有個約會3 之永恆國度"

Happy happy Shite-day.

Elated that I celebrated 2 of my dearest friends' birthdays yesterday, had a hearty meal I thoroughly deserved, dropped by Mezza9 at the Meritius for a drink and caught Blade Trinity finally. Not happy that I was late for the dinner, the movie sucked (for once the local critics proved me wrong), blew 90 bucks in a matter of hours and reached home a pauper.

I'm starting to hate Fridays.

Completely off the record, it used to be Thursdays. That's because people comprehend Thursdays to be the in-betweens - the latter part of the week but somehow nowhere near the weekend. As such, Fridays are the only true (slavedriven) weekday the general mass look forward to. Its the weekend. TGIF. Solace. Hoorah. Though of late, ever since my job took a drastic change in lanes, Fridays has been officially declared my Shite-day of the week. Shite comes in troughs and troughs of manure-stenched bollocky amounts. And the trend is - always last minute one. Last minute when I wanna go catch a movie at 7pm; last minute when I wanna go take a shit (the real thing); last minute when I wanna catch the company transport; last minute when I've already shutdown my antique PC (which takes about 5-8 minutes to bootup) and of cos - last minute when I wanna dash for my pal's birthday dinner.

Shite obviously doesn't stop there. It just keeps flowing in its diabolical path of destruction and calamities. It eventually affects your mood (which in turn produces a blog entry of macabre intensity as such), your well-being, your wallet and what otherwise could have been an uneventful tranquil prelude to an already shortlived weekend.

And it just had to be a Friday. Damn you Shite, damn yeeeeewwwwww!

Pullovers ~ www.kavinhoo.com

::Moods and Muses::
Kavin Hoo - Nightfall

"If you think you know what's going on, you're probably full of shit." - Robert Anton Wilson

I got myself involved in an accident.

Yesh u heard right. No, I'm fine. The car's not. Considering it only involved me. I shall spare u the gory details. It's for my sake. Lest I relieve the nightmare. And I kid u not, the whole scene is still spinning vividly in some dark recess of my retarded brain. Damages are gonna amount to nearly 1k. Heard of "A Series of Unfortunate Events"? I'm off to a fine spoofy start. (Friends should already know through MSN)
Bangkok plans scrapped. Xmas budget scrapped. Usage of car scrapped. Life sucks.

It's times like this I can't help but think I am such a sorry retarded ass. Hee~haw. Yesh I am. A RETARDED HALF-WITTED ASS. Hee~haw. With hoofs so twisted and mutated I couldn't even differentiate between the accelarator and brake. And promptly had to pay 1k right out of my own assy ass. Heeeee~~haaw.

It got me thinking though. This thing about human emotions and fate and all that sorta mumble. After that incident, the first thing that came to my mind was How the hell am I gonna explain it to my dad? Natural I guess. Next came the money. And principles. And to live with the fact that u can actually crash ur car in a shopping mall carpark.

My parents lashed out at me, inevitably. I don't blame them. They have the right to.
Dad : "U dreaming ah?"
Me : nods
Ma : "How can accelarator and brake cannot differentiate one?"
Me : nods
Dad : "How bad is it?"
Me : "Bumper....mffttfm..fog lamp...drrfftt...side skirting...bmfftt..."
Dad : "Huh?"
Me : "........"

Side track and fast forward to present. HS asked if I was free this 30th for her birthday. Given my current situation and demise, her's was a silver lining in my already seemingly gloomy year-end break.

"Hey u free this 30th?" she cooed.

" Ya I guess I am."

"Great, I'll have you down."

And promptly went on to say something like shit happens cheer up things could've been worse. She's an angel.

I need a laugh. And thank God for Friendster. I've got people telling me I look aloof and attitude and I piss them off.

Hee~haw.

::Moods and muses::
Luna Sea - Rain

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That's where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It's having backbone." - Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Author)